Trebek this: I could be a contestant on “Jeopardy!”

I took my place at the end of the long line snaking through the Santa Maria Town Center with fairly low expectations.

I wanted to have fun. I wanted to show off my smarts. I wanted to win some free swag from one of television’s most popular game shows.

Turns out, the powers that be had other plans.

The “Jeopardy!” Brain Bus was in Santa Maria on Friday night, looking for new contestants to go on the quiz show. The current incarnation, hosted by Alex “The Silver Fox” Trebek, celebrates 25 years this fall.

About 1,000 would-be geniuses sat down to take a 10-question quiz.

Sound easy? Well, apparently the pre-test was harder than you’d think. Most of the crowd either skipped the test, failed to qualify, or missed a couple questions and got no further.

The rest of us, roughly 80 in all, showed up bright and early Saturday morning at the Santa Ynez Valley Marriott hotel in Buellton. There, we chatted with the Brain Bus gurus about the application process, got pointers about screen presence and buzzer pressing, and sat down for a grueling 50-question test.

I’m barred from sharing the actual contents of the test but I can tell you the subjects ranged from ancient Greek literature to modern European history, from Shakespeare to science. Each answer had to be jotted down in a mere eight seconds. (That’s three seconds more than the time allowed in the actual game.)

“What is ‘freakin’ hard,’ Alex?”

As the Brain Bus crew tallied points, Kelly Miyahara from the show’s Clue Crew fielded questions about “Jeopardy!” (Turns out Trebek used to take the same test every year to keep his wits sharp. Pretty impressive.) Then the Brain Bus gals returned to announce the nine finalists who were to head to the next round.

I had left some spaces blank and made a few obvious gaffes , so I was all set to pick up my ball and head home when the Brain Bus gals called my name.

Wow. A couple fellow contestants whooped. The rest scowled. And I felt the contents of my guts drop to my shoes.

My fellow finalists included Buellton’s public works director, a flooring salesman, a stand-up comic, and a teacher-turned-bartender who works at The Inn in Morro Bay. The other female finalist was the co-owner of the Bayou House Catering Company in Pismo Beach. (Valerie Vicroy and her husband also own the Anacapa Barbecue Catering Company.) All were older than me. Nearly all were previous quiz show contestants.

We filled out application forms, including a “fun facts” sheet for on-air interviews. Then, in groups of three, we participated in a mock version of the game complete with “clickers.” Interviews followed.

I tried to follow the advice of the lovely Brain Bus ladies: Be loud. Be personable. Smile. Answer in the form of a question. And always, always, always, CLICK CLICK CLICK.

It’d difficult to tell how well I did, but if “Jeopardy!” discovers that they need a Central Coast contestant anytime in the next 18 months, I could be answering the call.
Let’s review at the numbers: More than a thousand people showed up at the Santa Maria Town Center tryouts. About 80 made it to the next round, and nine made it to the so-called “finals.” That means that those finalists, myself included, were in the top percentile.

Again, wow. I love “Jeopardy!” I love trivia contests. But I never, ever thought it’d be me.

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Banner courtesy of Sony Pictures. Photo courtesy of Amy Kardel.

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Missed the Brain Bus?

You can take a”Jeopardy!” pre-test online in January, or attend the live auditions held year-round at Sony Pictures’ headquarters in Culver City. More details are available online.

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What’s it all about?

They say you can never go home again.

They apparently never saw “Garden State.”

Andrew Largeman, or, “Large” as he’s known, has spent his entire adult in a drug-induced daze.

When he’s called home from Hollywood to attend his mother’s funeral, however, Large (Zach Braff) decides to ween himself off pills. New Jersey does the rest.

As he reconnects with friends (Peter Sarsgaard), spars with his distant dad (Ian Holm) and encounters an enchantingly odd girl (Natalie Portman), Large rediscovers the confusion, pain and rapture of being human.

Braff and Portman make endearing leads in this winsome film, which has just enough gentle quirkiness to keep “Garden State” from growing sugary.

If you’ve seen and liked Braff in NBC’s “Scrubs,” check out his more mature side in “Garden State.” If “Scrubs” annoys the hell out of you, this movie might have enough wry observations and indie tunes to win you over.

“Garden State” screens tonight at 7 and 9:15 p.m. at The Palm Theatre, 817 Palm St. in San Luis Obispo.

Tickets are $7.50.

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Mark your calendars for a free screening of “Surf’s Up” this Saturday in Atascadero.

An animated tale about surfing penguins, “Surf’s Up” came on the crest of a wave of penguin-related movies — “March of the Penguins,” “Madagascar,” “Happy Feet,” to name a few.

With great visuals and a winning storyline, however, it’s safe to say that “Surf’s Up” is the best of the bunch.

Shia LaBeouf lends his voice to Cody Maverick, a stoke-loving penguin who dreams of becoming a surf legend like his hero, Big Z.

Leaving the Arctic, he travels to Hawaii to compete in the Penguin World Surfing Championship alongside with goofball Chicken Joe (Jon Heder) and Tank, a pumped-up jock (Diedrich Bader) .

“Surf’s Up” is presented documentary-style, which makes for some behind-the-scenes fun when we watch the surfers flub interviews or Tank slobber over his trophies.

We also see plenty of cute baby penguins and fearsome sea life.

But the true draw of “Surf’s Up” is its spot-on voice casting. Jeff Bridges taps into his mellow “Big Lebowski” past to portray a laidback surf legend gone to seed.

“Surf’s Up” will be shown 8:15 p.m. Saturday at Sunken Gardens Park, 6500 Palma Ave. in Atascadero.

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There’s a Central Coast connection to “Surf’s Up.”

Dana Belben, who provides the voice of Cody’s mom, also worked as a script coordinator and backgrounds manager on the film. She graduated from San Luis Obispo High School in 1995.

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Photos courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

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Okay, I realize some people are going ape over the Olympics. But despite NBC’s efforts to make us believe the Olympics are all that matter in life (aside from next fall’s Thursday night lineup, of course), I have to say I’m not exactly impressed with the Olympic games. And I can summarize my feelings in one word:

Badminton.

For those of you who haven’t played badminton at a family reunion, it’s that game where people prance around like weightless butterfly catchers, chasing little “birdies” with their mini-rackets. You probably didn’t hear Bob Costas praising the badminton Dream Team too much during his prime-time telecast, but, believe it or not, badminton is one of the sports in this year’s dazzling Olympics. Just like handball, mountain biking, beach volleyball, and table tennis  — known to most Americans as “pingpong,” but referred to as table tennis just to make it less embarrassing for those who have to call pingpong  an Olympic sport.                   

Oh yeah, my innards will be lukewarm with Olympic fever when I hear how the Americans kicked Singapore’s butt all across the pingpong table. Booooyah!!! 

I just wish we had the chance to trounce them in air hockey as well. Or how about Frisbee Golf?

Hacky sack?

But, really. Let’s be serious, folks. Can we truly judge the world’s best athletes by games that are substantially less challenging than bowling? I mean, really, why not have lawn darts as an Olympic sport? It’s just as exciting as kayaking, and — if you consider how many intoxicated nimrods have accidentally poked themselves in the foot with lawn darts — there’s significantly more danger involved.  

I realize I’m picking on the summer games quite a bit, but, truth is, the winter Olympics are just as guilty. Think about it: The Luge? I have to confess, for the longest time, I thought the luge was an art museum in France.

 And then there’s that competition that combines skiing with rifle shooting. That’s just what I want: a game that features high speed and deadly weapons. What deranged psycho came up with that idea? 

Indeed, there are several Olympic sports that many of us non-Olympians have never dreamed of until a team of Kenyans dramatically proved to the world they are the best at it.

 In fact, watching some of the more absurd summer games, I anticipated encountering a sport where athletes maintain one foot in a canoe with the other balanced on a soccer ball, as judges from around the world threw pies at them.

 Come to think of it, that sounds kinda fun. So if you need me, I’ll be at the beach — training for the next Olympics.

Photo: IOC

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Few things set an American heart a-thumping faster than a last-minute victory at the Beijing Olympics.

The U.S. men’s swimming team squeaked past France at the end of Monday’s relay event, beating two world records and securing an amazing down-to-the-wire win.

It might have been the sight of Michael Phelps flexing his rippling abs, or his brutish yawp, but that event — rife with athletic rivalry and dramatic tension — made for excellent television.

Since so many of the Olympics’ coolest events (the stunning opening ceremony, the U.S. men’s basketball blowout versus China) take place at odd hours, I’ve started catching up online.

Interviews, analysis and full video broadcasts are available at this Olympics coverage super-site.

The Tribune also has plenty of Olympics coverage, from up-to-the-minute stories to videos, photo galleries and blogs by Central Coast athletes competing in China.

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Central Coast sister act falls short of “Gladiators” grand finale 

It was sister versus sister, Central Coast resident against fellow Central Coaster, in a fight of the fittest.

In the end, neither Los Osos resident Lillian Thomasson or her twin, Clinessa Burch of San Luis Obispo, took the top prize at NBC’s “American Gladiators.”

Lillian did make it through the first round of semi-finals in late July, crushing the competition during tough events like “The Wall” and “Snapback.” The 27-year-old concrete artist — weighing in at 5 feet, 9 inches and 140 pounds — even thrashed her own sister during the obstacle course stage known as “Eliminator.”

However, she slipped in the second round of semi-finals.
Tim Oliphant of Branson, Mo., and Dallas gal Ally Davidson were named champions following Monday’s grand finale. They’ll each receive a new car and $100,000.

You can watch the full two-hour season finale at NBC.com for a limited time.

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Photo by Tribune photographer Joe Johnston. That’s Clinessa Burch on the left and Lillian Thomasson on the right.

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“Hellboy II: The Golden Army” has to have one of this summer’s best marketing campaign. Everywhere I look I see photos, videos, interviews, and freebies related to the high-action sequel.

Here’s a clip reel of all the YouTube promos posted for “Hellboy II.” The film opens Friday in local theaters.

In order, Hellboy:

1. Meets the paranormal investigators on “Ghost Hunters”
2. Delves deep with “Inside the Actor’s Studio” host James Lipton
3. Visits Wolf on the “American Gladiator” set
4. Plays video games with NBC’s “Chuck”
5. Hangs out with Crash and Yasmin, the hip Latina hosts of “The Chicas Project” on cable channel Mun2*

My favorite clips is probably the final one, a heartwarming short styled after those celebrity-helmed public service announcements. Enjoy!

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* You may have noticed that these are all NBC Universal products.

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I like to think of myself as a bit of an intellectual. I watch opera, read lengthy novels. My tastes are a wee more refined than your average bumpkin.

I mean, I’m no sophisticate, but I can tell the difference between French’s mustard and Grey Poupon.

Then why, oh why, am I panting with anticipation at the thought of tonight’s season premiere of “American Gladiators”?

Hosted by “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan and Muhammed Ali’s daughter, Laila, NBC’s “American Gladiators” is the ultimate exercise in schadenfreude.

Like the original ’80s-’90s television show, this new-and-improved “Gladiators” pits contestants against spandex-clad “gladiators” in a series of physical challenges.

The men are buff, the women smokin’ hot. And the challenges? Downright ridiculous.

Competitors fire tennis balls, clamber up padded cliffs and duke it out on platforms suspended 12 feet above water. They wrestle, run and hang from rings. And man, do they get clobbered.

Part of the appeal is the gladiators themselves, whose names are the stuff of “Street Fighter.”

My personal favorite, Wolf, looks like a cross between a bayou croc wrestler and an out-of-work Shakespearean actor.

Titan, the Aryan poster child, has enormous pecs and baby-smooth skin. Justice, the show’s most massive bruiser, weighs in at 6-foot-8, 290 pounds.

And then there’s Hellga, a 6-foot-1 valkryie with the voice of James Earl Jones.

This season, two former contestants join the ranks: Evan Dollard, now named Rocket, and Monica Carlson, rechristened Jet.

See how obsessed I’ve gotten? My mouth is actually watering right now.

Have I been suckered by NBC’s hucksters? Or is “American Gladiators” possibly … quite possibly … one of the most entertaining shows on television?!

I’ll let you be the judge.

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The second season of “American Gladiators” premieres tonight at 8 p.m. on NBC (channel 6).

* Photo courtesy of NBC/Universal.

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