Are you ready for the Space Olympics?

“Saturday Night Live” had a relatively dismal season launch last weekend, but there was one bright spot: the latest entry in the brilliant “Digital Short” series.

Dressed in one snazzy ambassadorial suit, a wig-wearing Andy Samberg invites interplanetary athletes to “reach for the stars” at the 3022 Space Olympics.

As you’d expect, holding a sporting event in space has its setbacks — such as a food shortage and unreliable utilities. There might even be an alien horde menacing the control room … But hey, “You’re a winner!”

Does anyone know what song “Space Olympics” is spoofing? It’s drivin’ me nuts, as the pirate said.

(This YouTube version is a bit distorted, so here’s an NBC.com link for you purists out there.)

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Excitement about the 2012 London Olympics is already mounting in Britain, where soccer hooligans and socialites alike are preparing their welcome for the world’s athletes.

London won its bid as Olympics host with this video, titled “Sport at Heart.”

First aired in 2004, the ad features five Olympic gold medalists and a score of British icons, ranging from Oscar winner Helen Mirren to James Bond himself, Sir Roger Moore. International soccer celeb David Beckham is shown puzzling over a crossword in a cafe, while “Shakespeare in Love” star Joseph Fiennes rehearses in the Globe Theatre.

(If the tune sounds familiar, it’s because it’s the theme song for NBC’s hit reality show “The Biggest Loser”: Heather Small’s “Proud.”)

Meanwhile, London mayor Boris Johnston has a message for the world’s table tennis enthusiasts: Ping pong was invited in England, not China!

Here, he makes his stump speech for bringing the illustrious sport of ping pong “home.”

The London Olympics logo, an angular thing that cost about $800,000 to design and admittedly looks a bit like a swastika, is also stirring up Britons’ righteous anger. In fact, a BBC poll found that 80 percent of online voters loathed the multicolored symbol, compared to nearly 9 percent awarding it a “gold medal.”

According to these fellows, however, the London Olympics logo may just save your life. (Warning: Video may contain drug use, obscenity, racial stereotypes and general silliness.)

Hardy the Land of the Stiff Upper Lip, is it?

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Okay, I realize some people are going ape over the Olympics. But despite NBC’s efforts to make us believe the Olympics are all that matter in life (aside from next fall’s Thursday night lineup, of course), I have to say I’m not exactly impressed with the Olympic games. And I can summarize my feelings in one word:

Badminton.

For those of you who haven’t played badminton at a family reunion, it’s that game where people prance around like weightless butterfly catchers, chasing little “birdies” with their mini-rackets. You probably didn’t hear Bob Costas praising the badminton Dream Team too much during his prime-time telecast, but, believe it or not, badminton is one of the sports in this year’s dazzling Olympics. Just like handball, mountain biking, beach volleyball, and table tennis  — known to most Americans as “pingpong,” but referred to as table tennis just to make it less embarrassing for those who have to call pingpong  an Olympic sport.                   

Oh yeah, my innards will be lukewarm with Olympic fever when I hear how the Americans kicked Singapore’s butt all across the pingpong table. Booooyah!!! 

I just wish we had the chance to trounce them in air hockey as well. Or how about Frisbee Golf?

Hacky sack?

But, really. Let’s be serious, folks. Can we truly judge the world’s best athletes by games that are substantially less challenging than bowling? I mean, really, why not have lawn darts as an Olympic sport? It’s just as exciting as kayaking, and — if you consider how many intoxicated nimrods have accidentally poked themselves in the foot with lawn darts — there’s significantly more danger involved.  

I realize I’m picking on the summer games quite a bit, but, truth is, the winter Olympics are just as guilty. Think about it: The Luge? I have to confess, for the longest time, I thought the luge was an art museum in France.

 And then there’s that competition that combines skiing with rifle shooting. That’s just what I want: a game that features high speed and deadly weapons. What deranged psycho came up with that idea? 

Indeed, there are several Olympic sports that many of us non-Olympians have never dreamed of until a team of Kenyans dramatically proved to the world they are the best at it.

 In fact, watching some of the more absurd summer games, I anticipated encountering a sport where athletes maintain one foot in a canoe with the other balanced on a soccer ball, as judges from around the world threw pies at them.

 Come to think of it, that sounds kinda fun. So if you need me, I’ll be at the beach — training for the next Olympics.

Photo: IOC

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Few things set an American heart a-thumping faster than a last-minute victory at the Beijing Olympics.

The U.S. men’s swimming team squeaked past France at the end of Monday’s relay event, beating two world records and securing an amazing down-to-the-wire win.

It might have been the sight of Michael Phelps flexing his rippling abs, or his brutish yawp, but that event — rife with athletic rivalry and dramatic tension — made for excellent television.

Since so many of the Olympics’ coolest events (the stunning opening ceremony, the U.S. men’s basketball blowout versus China) take place at odd hours, I’ve started catching up online.

Interviews, analysis and full video broadcasts are available at this Olympics coverage super-site.

The Tribune also has plenty of Olympics coverage, from up-to-the-minute stories to videos, photo galleries and blogs by Central Coast athletes competing in China.

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