The typical surfer probably only buys things at a surf shop roughly 23 percent of the time they actually visit the surf shop. That’s because most of the time, surfers visit surf shops just to look at boards.

In fact, the surfer will often touch the boards, almost in a caressing manner.

While the surfer visiting a surf shop usually doesn’t buy anything, eventually the surfer will get a board, even if the surfer already has a board. Or two. Or three.

“I need a small wave board,” the surfer might say, in an effort to justify a longboard purchase.

“I need a board for Central Coast waves,” another might say, just because he can’t think of a real reason to buy another board.

Eventually, the surfer will accumulate several boards, eliminating extra space in garages and sheds. And when the weather is crummy, the surfer will visit those boards, occasionally touching them. In some cases, an observor might make a comment like, “Why don’t you two get a room?” But that person just doesn’t understand.

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Q: Why do they call certain surfers “goofy footers?”

                                                 – Made-up Question Poser

A: That’s a good question, Made-up – one I’ve often thought about myself.

The term applies to a surfer who puts his/her right foot forward while standing on a board. Since most people put their left foot forward, I thought maybe the name implies others are goofy in some way. Kind of like, I don’t know — someone who bats left handed.

A more obvious answer would seem to have something to do with Goofy, the Disney character. But then that seems too obvious, right?

So I did a little research, and when I typed in phrases like “Why is it called goofy foot?” and “where does the term goofy foot come from” into Google, I quickly discovered that know one else apparently cares. Because I couldn’t find any answer.

But then one day, I was watching DVD extras from some Disney movie, and I saw a clip from the 1937 animated short “Hawaiian Holiday,” where Goofy is seen surfing. And, sure enough, Goofy is a goofy footer.

And, presumably, that’s where the term derives.

So there you have it, Made-up Question Poser. Thanks for asking.

 By the way, check out that old school board Goofy is riding. Classic!

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Send your surf questions to ppemberton@thetribunenews.com, and I’ll try to answer them. Or just look it up on the Internet.

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In the old days, you might say a guy was either a Glass Half Full or a Glass Half Empty sort of dude. But this is the 00’s, and things are different.

 We define ourselves by other means.

For example, a while back my wife came upon the Life is Good merchandise line. Basically, the company began with two brothers in Boston, who lived in a van hawking T-shirts for five years before they came up with this character Jake. Here’s the original concept drawing from 1994:

Jake is basically is a fun-looking stick figure who engages in various activities, be it kayaking, grilling, golfing, or lying in a hammock. Jake’s ethos, if you will, is that we should appreciate the little things in life.

A pretty good goal to have, if you ask me. 

But, of course, it was a matter of time before someone had to see the darker side of life. Ergo, the Life is Good parody: Life is Crap. This product line has a similar-looking figure trying to enjoy the simple things in life but failing miserably.

So where Jake might enjoy paddling out for a few waves:

The Life is Crap guy breaks his board:

Where Jake relaxes in a hammock:

 The bizarro Jake falls out of one:

 You see where this is going.

I, of course, am a little torn. As a journalist, I have a skeptical, cynical side. On the other hand, I also agree with the Jake philosophy — that the key to happiness doesn’t require millions of dollars, power or prestige. Rather, the key to happiness simply entails doing stuff that makes you smile.

Which may explain why I’m still an underpaid journalist.

In the end, if I were to choose between the two for Christmas gifts, I’d have to go with Jake. Because sometimes, I think, smiling needs to win.

Besides, the Life is Good stuff is just better.

So what are you? Life is Good or Crap?

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Even though Bob Marley is not known for surfing — in fact, chances are he probably never surfed — surfers love Bob Marley.

In fact, if you were to visit a popular surf spot — say San Onofre, for instannce — odds are you could find at least a dozen cars in a parking lot with Bob Marley bumper stickers. Three of those would be VW vans. And at least one of those VW owners would be in the back, smoking weed while listening to a Marley box set and munching on Doritos.

The surfer probably can’t explain why surfers like Bob Marley so much. Chances are, they’d say something like, “Because he’s so mellow.” But Bob Marley is clearly the top choice for surfer comp CDs.

Some surfers take it to the next level and actually adorn their boards with Bob Marley’s image.

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While we’re on the topic of surfing, check out this video of Santa surfing Pismo.  Looks like the Big Guy could use a little yoga.

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While surfers usually complain when the temperature dips, there’s a small part of them that welcomes chilly weather. Because cold weather actually gives them an excuse to wear beanie hats. And surfers love beanie hats.

We’re not talking about the little beanie Spanky wore on “The Little Rascals” — the kind you might find with a propeller on them.

Surfers wear the more modern, soft and warm beanie.

Not that they need cool weather to wear a beanie. In fact, you can on occasion sometimes often see surfers wearing beanies on a warm day in July. Not because they’re cold, mind you. But, rather, because they want to look cool.

Whether or not beanies actually look cool is up for debate. But many of your top surfers wear beanies. Take Keith Malloy, for example:

He and his surfing brothers love beanies. If you see a photo of a Malloy brother, there’s a statistical probability of 78.358 percent that they will be wearing a beanie.

The Malloy brothers wear beanies so often, you’d think they actually advertise for beanies. Say, for Patagonia, for instance.

Photo of Keith Malloy: www.patagonia.com

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It must be getting close to Christmas. This morning I awoke to frost on the ground. And just yesterday, I spotted the Jolly Fat Man himself — getting the Stoke in Pismo Beach.

At first I wasn’t quite sure if my eyes were working, so I did a mental checklist: red suit, beard, bellowing.

Then I took out my camera phone and snapped a few photos:

 So, yeah, here’s the Big Man, walking with what appears to be a fun shape board. My first thought upon seeing this was: Santa seems to have slimmed down this year. But, you know, maybe he trains a lot as the big day approaches. An elf’s gotta have endurance, you know.

Later, he was spotted on the pier. Apparently, he thought there was a roller coaster there, but I had to tell him that this was Pismo Beach — not Santa Monica. He was a little disappointed, but his spirits seemed to lift when I told about some of the other things he could could do around here.

So then I was like, “Hey, Santa — are you really gonna surf or is that a gift you’re giving to someone?” Of course, in the back of my mind, I was thinking: Because, you know, I’d never turn down a free surfboard. And he just sort of looked at me and winked.

That was it — he winked. And the next thing you know, he was paddling out on a 3- to 4-foot day.  He wasn’t the best surfer out there, but, hey — it’s not like the North Pole is known for it’s waves.

Of course,  I was a little surprised because I’m thinking, you know, it’s gotta be close to crunch time, right? But those of us who surf know what a great stress reliever surfing can be. And any job that entails delivering toys to kids worldwide in one day has to entail some stress.

Later,  I found that Santa apparently had listened to my suggestions for things to do here and decided he needed to relieve stress a little more. 

Who knew Santa had a skateboard?

So for all those doubters, here is proof. Yes, indeed — Santa is a surfer.

I hear there will be further proof — video and photos — on this site next week, so stay tuned.

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In general, it’s not a good idea to be on the road with a surfer — particularly if the surfer is driving along the coast.

Because the surfer likes to look at waves. Even if the surfer has no plans to surf that day, he wants to at least see the ocean. Not because the ocean is beautiful or because there might be a whale breaching in the distance.

No, the surfer wants to look at waves. Analyze waves. Imagine being in waves.

In fact, if you’re in a car with a surfer, and you plan to travel near water, it’s a good idea to let the surfer sit in the passenger seat. Because the driving surfer might just veer off the road trying to get a glimpse of the waves.

Upon seeing waves, the surfer will usually make a comment like, “Looks pretty good out there.” Or “Looks to be about head high.”

On a big day, the surfer is especially attentive, wondering: Would I surf a wave that big?

Even if the surfer is at work — miles from the beach – he might look at waves on Internet beach cams and think: “Why do I have to work today?”

Photo (of Avila Beach): Dave Middlecamp

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I’m headed for a week off, which was intended to be a staycation with plenty of surf opportunities. But with more big swell forthcoming (Surfline says it’s up to 10 foot in Morro Bay this morning), we’ll have to play it by ear.

Last weekend I found myself watching a few daring souls test the heavy waters in Cayucos. There were a few good barrels but mostly a lot of hard wipeouts that didn’t exactly make me want to paddle out. Apparently, it was even bigger and thicker the next day when Tribune web editor Brian Milne was out shooting photos with his new Cannon. Check out his cool photo gallery here. (That fat wave above is from Cayucos Pier.)

For those, like me, who chicken out when it comes to big waves, you can still get the Stoke next Thursday, when the first annual Surf Symposium takes place at Downtown Brew in SLO. The night will feature a board shaping seminar with local shaper Shane Stoneman, who will also perform some of his mellow music with guest musicians backing him. (Click here to see a video I put together of Stoneman.) Trevor Povah’s local film “Lost in the Middle” will also be screened, and there will be surf giveaways.

Photo: Brian Milne

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It’s been said* that roughly 85 percent of all surfers own an acoustic guitar.

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But look at how many surfers play guitar: Kelly Slater, Jack Johnson, Rob Machado, Donovan Frankenreiter, Daize Shayne. I could go on, but frankly, I can’t think of any more. 

But they’re out there, trust me.

The surfer especially loves playing acoustic guitar because it’s mellow, like surfing. If you go to a campground in Southern California during the summer, chances are you’ll hear at least a dozen surfers strumming in the dark. Roughly half of those will be playing something by Jack Johnson. The others will be playing Bob Marley.

They may not all be good strummers, but that’s okay; It’s the thought that counts. 

Kind of.

Many surfers aspire to play music professionally since it might keep them from having to get an actual job.

While most people associate acoustic guitar with coffeehouse musicians, the surfer prefers acoustic music that’s laid-back and mellow.  Basically, anything that would work on a surfing soundtrack.

 Those surfers who simply can’t learn to play guitar usually buy a conga drum.

 * By me, just now

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So I loaded my board into the car Saturday, then hauled out to the beach, only to find that it was huge out there.

I guess that big swell arrived a little early. Because at A-Beach in Morro Bay it looked to be a good 12- to 15-foot. And, well – that’s a few feet bigger than I’d like it to be.

It was a little smaller at Cayucos Pier, but the waves were punishing. So I watched a few guys get mangled and headed to the Rock, where I overheard a park guy say the Harbor Patrol had to rescue a surfer earlier.

So no surf for me this weekend.

But to get you Stoked, I recently did a surf video of local slider Jaime Hannula. Check it out here.

Hannula is leaving this month for Australia to compete in the ASP tour. Once ranked #9 in North America, she hopes to win at least one big contest as a pro.

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