The Most Ridiculous Claim of the Week comes from Nick Franco, superintendent of our State Parks district, in Kathe Tanner’s recent story regarding how possible closures of our beloved beaches might occur.

Franco told Kathe that he doubted physical barriers would be erected but that signs might be posted to indicate closed areas. Then, people caught trespassing could be tossed out or cited.

Ha!

The speciousness of this comment is so offensively obvious, I’m having a hard time not falling out of my chair laughing. There are more holes in this assertion than the chain link fence they could run across Pecho Road to keep you out of Montaña de Oro.

Let’s just think about this for a second.

Pismo State Beach runs from the beginning of the Oceano Dunes SVRA to the south to the caves at the far north end, with ramps and staircases offering access all over the place. Without the beach, Pismo probably doesn’t exist, the importance of tourism being so critical to the city.

Morro Strand State Beach runs from Highway 41 at the south all the way to where the beach hits Highway 1 at the north, again with access points all over and scores of homes fronting the sand. Another stretch parallels Highway 1 leading into Cayucos.

Morro Bay State Park includes acres of land surrounding two major roads and providing access to trails, the marina, the golf course and the Museum of Natural History.

And that’s just three spots, not even mentioning the miles of newly opened shoreline along the Hearst coast, at the Estero Bluffs, and at the Harmony Headlands.

The fact is, we have built a treasure of public lands, and people will come.

If State Parks officials think they’re facing a shortage of resources under Gov. Schwarzenegger’s proposed cuts, they’re on crack if they think in that same new, austere reality that they’ll be able to patrol miles of San Luis Obispo County’s coastline, rounding up walkers and picnickers, herding them off the beach and dumping back on the asphalt all hopping mad and squiggly like a bunch of surprised sand crabs.

Instead of making inane assertions that are so clearly impractical and never gonna happen, the state should just come clean and tell us how this budget cut might really go down, like so:

Beaches that stretch for miles with unlimited access will remain open. They require little staffing oversight as far as managing infrastructure is concerned.

This is the strategy State Parks has already taken at Estero Bluffs, knowing they had only enough money to nail up several irritating “no dogs” signs but not a penny more to actually service the area. Why would that not work elsewhere?

More intensive operations, like the campgrounds at Montaña de Oro, San Simeon and Morro Bay, may be another story, both because of the staffing required and the fact they can be easily closed.

While it would be a blow to the local economy and a terrible loss for visitors who want to spend the night here affordably, enjoying our unique stretch of California, it would seem temporarily closing these more demanding facilities might make more sense.

Whatever happens, this is the second time in less than two years that Schwarzenegger has saber-rattled about closing local state parks.

Nothing happened then. Something may happen now.

But at the least, the state owes us thoughtful, timely information and a plan that doesn’t merely compound the money problem while being a logistical nightmare at the same time.

Tribune file photos: Walkers at Pismo Beach, above, and horseback riders at Montaña de Oro State Park, below