She Likes to Watch

Get ready for a funny weekend.
Standup comic Dan Grueter, a regular on radio’s nationally syndicated “The Bob and Tom Show,” plays four separate shows Friday and Saturday at Bob Zany’s Comedy Outlet in Morro Bay.
Grueter recently finished a pilot for NBC, “Be Careful What You Wish For.”
The Ohio native has also appeared on “The Late, Late Show” on CBS, “Comic View” on BET, and “National Lampoon’s Funny Money” on GSN (formerly the Game Show Network).
On his Web site, Grueter describes his comedy style as quick and clean. “By the end of his show, you’ll feel like you’ve know him your whole life,” the site said.
He’s joined on stage by Natasha Leggero, best known for her recurring roles on Comedy Central’s “Reno 911!” and the Fox sitcom “’Til Death.”
The host of MTV’s “The ’70s House,” Leggero has also appeared on “The Late Late Show,” Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and NBC’s “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

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Grueter and his fellow comedian perform at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m., Friday and Saturday, at Bob Zany’s Comedy Outlet. It’s upstairs at the Embarcadero Grill, 801 Embarcadero in Morro Bay.
For more information, call 772-0716 or visit www.bobzany.com.

The local band Still Time got me thinking about band names again.

Okay, truth is, I’m always thinking about band names – it’s just part of who I am. The great thinkers of the world consider ways to end poverty, spread peace and discover cures for diseases.

I think up band names.

When I interviewed Still Time, which just changed its name from The New Longview (read the story if you need more on that), my obsession with band names once again festered.

I’d previously written about band names for Ticket. And I once talked about band names during an interview with Dave Barry, who responded to one of my moniker ideas with a rather succinct: “Nah — sucks.”

But I’ve gotten better at this, which I think merits another discussion of band names. You local band guys and gals without a name are going to appreciate me for this blog entry. Because after today, you will no longer be nameless. Your identity will forever be forged with a brand new name that could bring you the fame and fortune that has long alluded you.

But first a few things:

For one, I hate band names – especially long ones — that are inside jokes or obscure references. What does Jimmy Eat World refer to? Or how about My Chemical Romance? Death Cab for Cutie just plain annoys me every time I hear it.

Sorry, dudes — those are terrible band names.

Secondly, the name has to match the genre. Contrary to the name of their band, Eagles of Death Metal are not a death metal band at all, which is just the first of many flaws with this band’s moniker.

A good source for names – are you listening, nameless bands? – comes from idioms. According to Wikipedia, an idiom is an expression whose meaning can’t be deduced from the literal definitions and the arrangement of its parts, but refers instead to a figurative meaning that is known only through common use.

To which I say: “Huh?”

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to make sense. Just check out this list of idioms, and you’ll find potential names like Bad Egg, Belly Up and Comfort Zone. Shakespeare is supposedly credited for some 2,000 idioms, and it’s always cool to have a band name inspired by Shakespeare, so try especially hard for a Bard idiom.

Heck, Bard Idiom could almost be a band name.

Cliches are also good for band names. So names like All Ears, Bait and Switch and Slippery Slope could derive from common phrases and expressions. But clichés might be better for album titles. Consider “All In a Day’s Work,” “Sink or Swim” or “Back From the Dead” for your future Grammy winner.

Some bands also get their names from other artist’s songs. Jet supposedly comes from the Wings song of the same name. And the local band Virgil Cane gets its name from a character in a famous song by the Band (“The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down”), though many younger music fans just assume there’s a local dude named Virgil Cane.

Finally – and most importantly perhaps, your band name has to be original. This is where The New Longview ran into trouble because there’s already an established band named The Longview. So on the advice of attorneys, New Longview became old news.

I’m hoping my band names won’t suffer the same fate. But I’ll look them up between now and a future blog entry and let you know what my research found. Until then, here are My Top 10 Band Names That Don’t Suck*:

10. Lindbergh Babies. I thought of this one while features writer Sarah Linn was looking up stuff on the famous aviator and his kidnapped child. I think it’d be great for a punk band. One concern, though: Is it still too soon?

9. Circle the Drain. When someone is spiraling, we say they’re circling the drain. I don’t know – it could a good name for an emo band since they’re emotionally frail. I figure they could open for — bonus band names here — Basket Case or Cuckoo’s Nest.

8. General Malaise. On the one hand, it’s a clinical diagnosis. On the other hand, it sounds like some military dude. Isn’t that great? General malaise is defined as an “out of sorts” feeling, which I figure would be good for a metal band.

7. Big Fish. Well, there was the book and movie of the same title, but that’s okay. This could be a tribute band, except then it’d have to be Big Phish.

6. Alter Ego. After an intermission, the band has to change outfits, don wigs and play a different genre of music.

5. Chin Music. I have a great album concept for this one: The band’s first album cover would feature the band members posing with their chins upside down, with little faces painted on them. The faces would look like each band member.

4. Pillow Talk. This is described as the conversation a couple has after they, uh . . . well, you know. When a mommy and daddy really love each other? You catch my drift. Anyway, I’m thinking this would work for a synth-pop Euro band or maybe an all-girl act.

3. Goofy Foot. A goofy foot is someone who rides a surf board with their right foot out in front. So this would work great for a surf band.

2. Occam’s Razor. This goes back to William Ockham, the influential nominalist (how much do nominalists make, by the way?) from the 14th Century. Occam’s Razor is a principle which holds that “entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily.” Remember – it doesn’t have to make sense; it just has to sound cool.

1. Mobb Rule. A while back, I officially announced to friends and co-workers that I’d finally found my hip-hop moniker. Now I can join the 50 Cent-Kanye West smackdown.

Okay, there you go. Now I’m going to see if anyone else had these bright ideas. In the meantime, you can check here to see what Jimmy Eat World, My Chemical Romance and Death Cab for Cutie refer to. Turns out, the stories behind their names are pretty interesting.**

* For the most part.

** But I’m pretty sure Dave Barry would agree – they still suck.

–Pat P.

For me, the start of the fall television season is a little like Christmas.

After weeks of glossy ads and antipicipation, viewers can finally tear off the shiny wrapping and discover our new treasures. Did we really get that rocket launcher? Or another pack of sweat socks?

I glued myself to the couch Monday night to watch three of NBC’s offerings this fall: two newcomers (”Chuck” and “Journeyman”) and one returning favorite (”Heroes”).

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD

“Chuck”

Shy tech support dude Chuck is too nerdy to pick up women and too stuck on his college girlfriend to start over. So when he scores a date with stunning blonde Sarah, things seem to be looking up.

Right? Wrong. Turns out that Sarah is a CIA agent, and she’s after thousands of government secrets locked in Chuck’s noggin.

NBC crowded the airwaves with pre-season advertising, so some of the best gags — Sarah doing a deadly dance, a skater crowing “Computer emergency” as Chuck’s car tumbles over stairs — seem blah.

Still there are a few chuckles, such as the name of Chuck’s employer, Buy More, and references to the Nerd Herd (a send-up of the real-life Geek Squad).

Nerd alert: As Chuck, star Zachary Levi is too suave and well-groomed to be convincing as a hard-core geek. That honor goes to buddy Morgan (Josh Gomez), who resembles Seth Green with a few more pounds and facial hair.

“Heroes”

Folks who caught NBC’s sci-fi drama last season will find storylines and special effects a-plenty as “Heroes” returns. Right off the bat, the show spins off seven or eight sub-plots and introduces a few new characters.

Here’s a brief rundown:

Matt, now divorced and recovering from four gunshot wounds, has adopted little Molly, whose nightmares identify a new threat.

Hiro is in feudal Japan, discovering surprising things about his hero Takezo Kensei (such as the fact he looks more like Paul Bettany than Ken Watanabe).

While Nathan mourns for his brother, the Bennnets start a new life in California. Someone’s trying to kill Sulu. Oh, and there’s a gal with deadly powers in Central America.

A few scenes in the “Heroes” season opener struck my fellow viewer as silly. As a dedicated fan, however, I found plenty to like.

“Journeyman”

Commercials made this time-travel thriller look like a cheesy mash-up between “Back to the Future” and “Zodiac.” Thank goodness “Journeyman” — terrible title, by the way — is actually watchable.

Dan Vassar is a San Franscisco newspaperman with an all-but-perfect life: a beautiful wife, an adoring son. At the same time, there are whispers of an uphappy past.

Suddenly, Dan finds himself slipping back in time for hours at a time. He encounters familiar faces and, almost immediately, breaks the cardinal rule of time travel: Don’t alter the past.

Is there a reason for these trips in the slipstream? Is Dan on some unknown mission? The show has enough potentional, despite some goofy plot twists, to keep viewers wondering for a little while longer.

Half the fun may be identifying the clothes and gadgets dug up by the show’s Dumpster-diving propmaster. (”Look at those shoulderpads!” “Did you see the size of that cell phone?!?”)

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OTHER NOTES:

What housing crisis?
Sure, the housing market is soft right now. But could lower interest rates explain why NBC’s characters live in luxury on piddling salaries?
- Chuck and his sister live in a Los Angeles apartment complex fit for starlets. I initially mistook the lush garden courtyard for the back patio of a restaurant.
- My fellow viewer identified the Bennets’ new home on “Heroes” as the set of “Runaway Bride.” Not bad for an assistant manager at Copy Kingdom.
- And “Journeyman” Dan comes home to a flawlessly restored Victorian in San Francisco with a huge yard. Because, if you can’t afford a house by the Bay, what can you afford?

PLUS: Watching three pilot shows on the same network, one absorbs more than one’s fair share of commercials.
I understand NBC’s need to make a buck. But is it really necessary to air the SAME car commercial THREE times in a row during one so-called break?
The only product that campaign convinced me to buy is Tivo.

– Sarah L.

(”Heroes” photo courtesy of NBC/Universal)

Among the many things I liked about the movie “Superbad” was the music.

On the one hand, funk songs by Curtis Mayfield, Jean Knight and Bootsy Collins might not seem to match a film about geeky white kids trying to score before going to college. And yet at the same time it was just oh-so right.

You see, music used in film doesn’t necessarily have to match the scene thematically. It just has to, well . . . to work.

In fact, at times it seems the best pairings are the ones that make the least sense. Take, for instance, the use of the silly Surfin’ Birds to coincide with battle scenes in “Full Metal Jacket.” It works because of the irony – what the character Joker in that movie would call “the dichotomy of man.”

Such pairings create memorable movie moments. Can you ever hear “Stuck in the Middle” by Steelers Wheel without seeing Mr. Blonde cut off that guy’s ear (Warning: that’s a bloody clip.) in “Reservoir Dogs”?

This all comes to mind because I just saw this
site about the top 77 song moments in film. But I’ve always felt the pairing of music and film is an art few have mastered.

Quentin Tarantino, of course, is the grand pooh-bah of this art form. His use of surf music in “Pulp Fiction” is legendary – and an inspiration to all future film makers willing to spend a little extra money to license previously recorded music.

Martin Scorsese also nailed it in “Goodfellas.” Two songs in particular – Harry Nilsson’s “Jump Into the Fire” and Eric Clapton’s “Layla” – provided the perfect soundtrack to scenes depicting mob chaos, life on the run and corpses.

When done right, the pairing of music and film makes both the song and the scene cool. (“Snatch” would be a good example here.) On the other hand, association with bad music can ruin everything.

“Titanic” was actually a pretty good movie. But every time I think of it, I can’t get my mind around that horrible Celine Dion song.

Ugh.

Anyway, here are some of my favorite music/movie moments:

• “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”/”Twist and Shout,” the Beatles – After seeing this, I went out and bought my first Beatles record, the beginning of a long love affair with the Fab Four.
• “Midnight Cowboy”/“Everybody’s Talkin’,” Harry Nilsson. I also loved how “Borat” copied this famous walking in the city scene.
• “Apocalypse Now”/ “The End,” the Doors. The opening scene to the movie, where napalm is choreographed to psychedelic 60s rock.
• “Rocky”/”Gonna Fly Now,” Bill Conti. After seeing Rocky work out to this
instrumental classic, I almost wanted to enter the ring myself. Then I thought about that time Ali got his jaw broken and decided to stick with Wiffle Ball.
• “Risky Business”/Old Time Rock and Roll, Bob Seger. The good ole days — before Seger was washed up and before Tom Cruise was nutty. Could have been an ad for Hanes underwear.

If you have a favorite movie/music scene, drop a line.

–Pat P.

Every so often, you hear about an all-but-imaginary holiday, like Eat Your Green Vegetables Month or Woodchuck Appreciation Week.

Chances are, a few employers created National Boss Day with the help of Hallmark.
Badminton and broccoli don’t deserve holidays. And I harbor some suspicions towards anything requiring large amounts of chocolate, flowers or money.

Avast, ye scurvy dogs!

I’ve finally found a holiday that suits me: Talk Like A Pirate Day.

The concept, created by John Baur and Mark Summers in 1995, is simple: Spend all day talking like a pirate. “Yes” become “aye,” “hello” becomes “ahoy” and “black-hearted blaggarts” … Well, you get the point.

At the duo’s Web site, www.talklikeapirate.com, you can purchase pirate-themed clothing, check out pictures from the first-ever PyrateCon, and browse the children’s book, “A Li’l Pirate’s ABSeas.”

(For the dedicated buccaneer, there’s also “Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall’s Guide to Pirate Parenting.” Author Tim Bete, offers advice on topics ranging from removing a large octopus from your child’s hair to administering the “Flying Dutchman Wedgie.”)

Today, The Tribune even posted its own Talk Like A Pirate Quiz.

Test yer knowledge o’ the high seas and learn some pirate lingo here. (I qualified as a Master Shipman, which I guess is pretty darn good.)

Forget months dedicated to dolphins, noodles and maple sugar. I be advocatin’ an entire Talk Like A Pirate Week!

– Sarah L.