She Likes to Watch

“Hulk excited about summer movie season. Hulk smash box office records!”

Summer is officially here.

I’ve seen “Iron Man” (awesome), “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” (solid) and “Speed Racer” (fun, but seizure-inducing).

I’ve been wowed and underwhelmed by “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” And I’m likely traipsing to a screening of “Sex and the City” with all my fashion-forward gal pals.

As summer progresses, here’s my take on six of the most anticipated trailers this season. Tune in later for “Hellboy II,” “The Dark Knight” and “Pineapple Express.”

“Sex and the City: The Movie” (opens today)

When did Sarah Jessica Parker get so … veiny? Although the 43-year-old star looks fresh as a dew drop in this trailer, recent photos reveal a host of bones, wrinkles and ropey muscles.

As for “Sex” itself, I remain torn. At first glance, the film promises all the fashion, froth and girl talk the series so delightfully delivered. But where’s the angst? The sizzle? The excitement? This cast looks a little tired.

“The Incredible Hulk” (In theaters June 13)

I can believe Edward Norton as a nerdy scientist. He’s got the height and narrow shoulders, the careful diction, even a certain nebbish sex appeal.

But the Incredible Hulk? Forget it.

Even in Angry Green Giant form, Norton’s too dainty for rock ‘em, sock ‘em fight sequences, his voice too East Coast academic for superhero schlock. Too bad, since “Incredible Hulk” promises all the action and state-of-the-art special effects that Ang Lee’s angst-ridden version lacked.

Frankly, I just want to watch the Hulk get clobbered by Tim Roth’s gnarly Abomination.

“The Happening” (June 13)

Communication is cut off. Society is threatened. And everywhere, people are dying.

As a suit (Alan Ruck from “Spin City”) explains, the symptoms of this epidemic are loss of speech, followed by physical disorientation. “The third stage,” he adds, “is fatal.”

Let’s ignore for a second that “The Happening” sounds like some groovy shindig at a beatnik bar. This is potentially scary stuff.

M. Night Shyamalan is known for plots that hinge on a single gimmick — aliens who are vulnerable to water, say, or a protagonist who just happens to be a ghost.

So there’s only one question in my mind: What’s the inevitable twist?

Is it a bio-terror attack? A crippling disease? Spacemen? Mermaids? Dead bees? My money’s on star Mark Wahlberg.

“Get Smart” (June 20)

While I generally cringe at the thought of classic TV shows-turned-box office tuna, this big-screen version of “Get Smart” may actually work.

Steve Carell has the right kind of daffy chutzpah to pull off Maxwell Smart, the goofy spy with a phone in his shoe. His supporting cast — Anne Hathaway, Alan Arkin and The Rock — looks solid.

Plus, the movie promises plenty of silliness, putting Carell through his paces with bead curtains, ballroom dancing and deadly lazers. With any luck, “Get Smart” could be good, old-fashioned fun.

“WALL-E” (June 27)

Who knew robots could be so cuddly?

Pixar’s latest animated tale centers around the cutest bucket of bolts to grace the silver screen, a little worker drone called WALL-E. He’s hard-working, curious and, as the narrator shares, “just a little bit lonely.”

Unlike the glib roadsters in the tepid “Cars,” the robots in “WALL-E” demonstrate surprisingly real emotions: hope, humor, love. Their adventures have an epic quality. And, thanks to some amazing computer graphics, they look great, too.

“WALL-E” comes across as “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial” meets “Finding Nemo.” A sure hit.

“Wanted” (June 27)

Speaking of veiny, it’s high time somebody hooked Angelina Jolie up to a feed trough. Her cheekbones are so sharp I could cut my steak with them.

Based on a comic book series, “Wanted” centers on one of those delightfully absurd premises found only to movies.

You see, young Wesley (James McAvoy) is the son of one of the world’s best assassins. When Dad gets whacked, he’s invited to follow in the Old Man’s footsteps — and darned if he doesn’t have to get close to Angie to do it.

With Jolie as the eye candy and Morgan Freeman as the wise old mentor, “Wanted” borders dangerously close on silly. Still, the sheer amount of gunfire, speeding cars and explosions could make for an entertaining time — provided you ignore the physics fallacies. Curving bullets, anyone?

There’s weird, and then there’s Hunter S. Thompson weird.

Thompson, the godfather of gonzo journalism, left behind a legacy of brilliant, drug-addled literature when he went to that big freakout in the sky a couple years ago.

His essays about American culture and politics are so strange and insightful, so twisted and utterly true that they’re a big challenge to portray on the silver screen.* You’d have to be crazy to even attempt such a feat. In fact, you’d have to be Terry Gilliam.

Perhaps that’s what gave Gilliam — the former Monty Python member behind such quirky gems as “Brazil,” “Time Bandits” and “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen” — the courage to make “Fear and Loathing.”

“Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” follows Thompson’s alter-ego Raoul Duke (Johnny Depp) and his lawyer/sidekick (Benicio del Toro) as they travel from Los Angeles to Las Vegas hopped up on every drug known to mankind.

Their journey leads them through a bizarre chain of adult playgrounds, as the fearsome duo examines the dark, psychedelic side of the American dream. It’s a journey well worth taking.**

“Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” plays at 7 and 9:15 p.m. tonight at The Palm Theatre, 817 Palm St. in San Luis Obispo.

Tickets are $7.50.

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* Many have tried including Martin Scorsese and Oliver Stone. As rumor has it, Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando once signed on as Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo. Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi considered the project at another point.

** Another screen adaptation of Thompson’s work worth seeing is “Where the Buffalo Roam,” starring Bill Murray as the cigarette-smoking, sunglass-sporting journalist.

Check it out and compare his Thompson to Depp’s version.

Photo above courtesy of MovieWeb.

Is your kid the next Steven Spielberg? Soderbergh? Sayles?

Young filmmakers have a chance to learn the craft this summer with a two-week workshop organized by the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival.

Organizers will offer classes from July 14 to 24, thanks to a grant from the San Luis Obispo County Community Foundation.

“Young people are so inventive and have a different take on the world than adults do, so we are hoping to give them the skills they need to go out and make their own films,” said Wendy Eidson, the film festival’s executive director. “We are trying to encourage collaboration so that they learn how a ‘real’ film is made.”

Each workshop will be limited to ten young people. They’ll learn the basics of filmmaking by writing, producing, directing, editing and acting in their own short films, Eidson said.
The results will be screened for family and friends on the final day of the workshop. Audiences can also catch the short films at next year’s San Luis Obispo International Film Festival.

Two local filmmakers will lead the classes.

Aaron Metchik, a UCLA film school graduate, directed his first professional feature-length film this summer.

Alan Fraser teaches video production and photography at Arroyo Grande High School, and film courses at Allan Hancock College in Santa Maria. His feature film “Next Time” won best picture awards at the Hollywood and Long Beach Film Festivals.

Each session costs $200, with a limited number of half-tuition scholarships available.

Kids entering grades 3 to 6 will attend class from 9 a.m. to noon, Monday through Thursday.

Those entering grades 7 to 9 have class from 1 to 4 p.m., Monday through Thursday. And future 10th, 11th and 12th graders will attend workshops at 6 to 9 p.m., Monday through Thursday.

For more information or to register, visit www.slofilmfest.org or call Wendy Eidson at (805) 546-3456.

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Wendy’s daughter, Hanna Eidson, is pictured above with the camcorder.

For all you Indiana Jones fans out there, here’s a video of a faux Indy being chased by a giant Lego boulder. Yikes!

Look for the fake Sallah and Dr. Henry Jones.

You know you’re at an “Indiana Jones” screening when every third male is sporting a fedora, a leather jacket and a whip.

Indy wannabes showed up in droves for this morning’s midnight showing of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” held at the Fremont movie theater in San Luis Obispo.

I saw one Short Round, three girls dressed as Elsa (all brunette, strangely) , even that girl from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” with “I Love You” on her eyelids. The crowd of moviegoers stretched past the county building.

Since reviews of “Crystal Skull” are sure pop up like mushrooms after a rain, I’ll keep my own take to brief.

It’s fun, yes, and reassuringly familiar. It’s not the best in the Indiana Jones series. But it is a nostalgic romp, with nods to the original trilogy as well as Marlon Brando’s “The Wild One,” “Tarzan” and swashbuckler Errol Flynn.

Here’s my (mostly) spoiler-free reaction to “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”

THE OLD MAN: Harrison Ford can still swing a bull whip. He also looks surprisingly natural back in the ol’ fedora, punching bad guys and hunting treasure. Still, there’s no denying that Ford — now 65 — is showing his age. He seems winded at times and has less chemistry with his co-stars than one would hope. Shaggy-dog humor and unexpected sweetness make up for it.

THE GIRL: Not to sound cheesy, but Indy’s reaction to his long-lost love interest may rank among cinema’s tenderest scenes. His face lights up. Hers glows. And for once, Marion Williams, nee Ravenwood, doesn’t slap him.

As Marion proves, she’s the most capable of Indy’s women, and the one who belongs in his arm.

(A side note: Karen Allen is still a cutie.)

THE KID: When I first heard that action-movie It Boy Shia LaBeouf was starring as Indiana Jone’s latest sidekick, I admittedly cringed. While the 21-year-old star made “Transformers” tolerable, he’s not the kind of guy you picture gallivanting around South America.

And his character’s name is Mutt. MUTT, for Pete’s sake.

LaBeouf spends the first half of the film in the woman’s role (freaking out at yucky bugs and desiccated corpses), then settles nicely into the role of wisecracking companion. The kid even does some detecting of his own.

(My co-worker Justin offers this fitting epitaph: “Shia LaBeouf: Not As Annoying As You’d Think.”)

THE VILLAINS: Let’s face it — Indiana Jones is at his best when he’s fighting Nazis. “Crystal Skull” gives him a rapier-swinging Russian scientist (Cate Blanchett), alien-obsessed Communists and a double-make-that-triple agent. “Crystal Skull” has no clear villain, and the movie suffers.

THE PERIL: Murderous Commies? Check. Poison dart-shooting natives? Check. Fire ants and waterfalls? Double-check. With plenty of gross-out moments and sudden scares,”Crystal Skull” has a higher body count than the previous films and plenty of abuse for its heroes. The filmmakers pull few punches.

THE TITLE: “Raiders of the Lost Ark” is the perfect title. It defines an action (raiding) names the goal (the Ark of the Covenant) and explains why it’s important (it was lost). “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is WAY TOO LONG.

MISCELLANEOUS: John Hurt is terrific, Ray Winstone is misused. Cate Blanchett’s accent keeps changing from Russian to English. The “X-Files” angle is annoying. I could do without the cute-and-cuddly CGI animals.

The filmmakers drop a tantalizing hint about “Colonel Jones” and his involvement with the Office of Strategic Services during World War II. That’s the movie I want to see!

BOTTOM LINE: Fast, frequently fun and mostly satisfying.

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“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” opens today at the Bay Theatre in Morro Bay, Park Cinemas in Paso Robles, Regal Cinemas in Arroyo Grande, and the Downtown Centre Cinemas, the Fremont and the Sunset Drive-In (paired with “Iron Man”!!) in San Luis Obispo.

* Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.