She Likes to Watch

The last woman in America to see “Sex and the City: The Movie” weighs in

There is sex in “Sex and the City: The Movie,” and plenty of it.

Nudity abounds, from Miranda’s pale, freckle-flecked breasts to the bouncing buttocks and bosoms of Samantha’s naughty neighbors. We see much of Samantha’s famous cleavage, Carrie’s muscular stems and Charlotte’s taut tummy. There’s even a shadowy male organ, courtesy of the aforementioned next-door hottie.

Not bad for a show that hit the airwaves a decade ago.

Although the characters are older and, one would hope, wiser, “Sex and the City” plays like a thrill-filled season finale. There are shocking reveals, touchy-feely gabfests. Every woman in the film gets her Big Moment (or, in Carrie’s case, her Mr. Big moments).

Each scene fades black in a way that whispers “commercial break.”

Most importantly, the big-screen version of “Sex” has all the elements that made the HBO series such girly fun: the fashion, the shoes, the bedroom talk. (A cameo by “Dreamgirls” star Jennifer Hudson is particularly fun.)

It may be the made-for-TV format, however, that makes “Sex” ultimately forgettable.

Most of the movie’s biggest moments cruise by at breakneck speed. If growing up is the point of the movie — marriage, fidelity, children and all those thorny adult issues — why aren’t we allowed to watch the characters grow?

Instead we get two back-to-back episodes, glued together with occasionally jokey writing and a wandering script.

Also missing from the equation is New York City itself. Although “Sex” gives us a few glances of New York landmarks and carefully cordoned-off streets, the cast seems to spend much its time on soundstages or in thinly disguised California (Mexico? Ha!).

Where’s the grit? The heartbreak? All we get is bare boobs and a poop joke.

No matter how fabulous the gals look in their designer dresses and Louis Vuitton purses, “Sex” just doesn’t seem sexy enough to me.

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“Sex and the City: The Movie” is currently showing at Downtown Centre Cinema in San Luis Obispo, Regal Cinemas in Arroyo Grande and Park Cinemas in Paso Robles.

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Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.