She Likes to Watch

Harry Potter, original badass

Remember my disappointment about “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince?”

I think I’ve found a way to beat those my-favorite-movie-won’t-come-out-til-next-year doldrums. It’s called “Wizard People, Dear Reader.”

To quote the YouTube blurb: “‘Wizard People, Dear Reader’ is an unauthorized re-envisioning of ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,’ by Brad Neely.

After spreading rapidly among Neely’s friends in Austin, ‘Wizard People’ made its theatrical debut at the New York Underground Film Festival, to rapturous applause. We think Neely has crafted an as-of-yet-unnamed new art form, one everyone should experience for themselves.”

Narrated by Brad Neely in a froggy, raspy voice, “Wizard People” is a scene-for-scene retelling of “Sorcerer’s Stone” (based on J.K. Rowling’s book) liberally laced with cuss words, flights of fantasy and outright lies.

It’s brilliant and demented, “Harry Potter” as interpreted by someone who’s watched the movie repeatedly under a haze of marijuana and Molson.

In Neely’s hands, Harry Potter (or “H.P.”) becomes a swearing, cognac-swilling Greek god. His best mate Ron Weasley comes across as a fearsome warrior nicknamed “Ronnie the Bear.” And brainy Hermoine? She’s the hideous “Harmony.”

Some of the flubs seem natural — like confusing Hagrid, the half-giant gamekeeper, with cartoon viking Hagar the Horrible. (Seriously, who hasn’t done that before?) Others are just bizarre.

You can watch the entire series, all 35 glorious chapters — including the credits, during which Neely begs the filmmakers not to sue him — right here.

“Wizard People, Dear Reader” and Neely himself are also featured in the upcoming documentary “We Are Wizards,” which takes a bemused look at the burgeoning “wizard rock” scene.

This is a place where J.K. Rowling’s books and “Harry Potter” movies inspire imaginations, where bands like Harry and the Potters and The Hungarian Horntails command legions of gleefully nerdy fans.

“We Are Wizards” is currently making the festival circuit but I hope it hits local theaters soon.

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“Wizard People, Dear Reader” is hardly the limit to Neely’s creativity.

He’s also created a series of kooky animated shorts, starring characters like Baby Cakes and The Professor Brothers. Funny and quirky to the extreme, the videos’ crazed charm comes from their musical numbers, herky-jerky animation (it’s a bit like a flipbook) and the simplicity of Neely’s drawings.

You can watch all of them at SuperDeluxe.com. As you’d expect, there are a few swear words and adult themes, so proceed with caution.

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Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

Movies under the moon

With Labor Day around the corner and fall almost upon us, the summer entertainment calendar is winding down.

Before you pack away your camp chairs and beach blankets, here are three final opportunities to enjoy movies in the great outdoors. Enjoy!

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What better place to watch “Young Frankenstein” than an actual castle?

Eagle Castle Winery in Paso Robles offers a screening of the Mel Brooks classic this Saturday, complete with wine, popcorn and ice cream.

One of the funniest, quirkest comedies ever, “Young Frankenstein” is a delightfully demented take on Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” (and James Whale’s classic movie adaptation). It’s crammed full of memorable jokes, characters and sight gags ranging from subtle to surprisingly bawdy.

Gene Wilder plays the title scientist, a descendant of the crazy old coot who first brought an undead monster to life.

At first, Dr. Frankenstein has no intention of following in Granddad’s footsteps. But the combined efforts of a hunchbacked assistant (Marty Feldman), a lovely lab partner (Teri Garr) and grandfather’s scary old beau (Cloris Leachman) soon convince him to give it a crack.

Whether you prefer Wilder’s patented weirdness, Feldman’s demented asides or Peter Boyle’s hilariously mute performance as The Monster, “Young Frankenstein” is a black-and-white beauty. Don’t miss this one.

Catch “Young Frankenstein” at 7 p.m. Saturday at Eagle Castle Winery, 3090 Anderson Road in Paso Robles. Tickets are $20 or $15 for wine club members.

The screening will be held in the so-called “Castle Courtyard” so be sure to bring blankets and comfortable chairs. Call 227-1428 for more information.

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Summer nights get sassy with “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes,” Saturday at Meridian Winery in Paso Robles.

The evening, dubbed “Cinema e Vino Paradiso,” begins with a wine tasting, followed by a gourmet Tuscan picnic and a movie screening at a scenic vineyard theater.

“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” stars ’50s bombshells Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell as two singers on a transatlantic cruise. They flirt, frolic and remind audiences that “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend.”

The fun starts at 7:30 p.m. at Meridian Vineyards, 7000 E Highway 46 in Paso Robles. Tickets are $65 for wine club members and $75 for the public. Call 238-0095 to learn more.

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Family friendly entertainment is available at the Sunken Gardens in Atascadero.

The city’s free movie series continues Saturday with “Charlotte’s Web,” the 2006 live-action film starring Dakota Fanning and a host of Hollywood voices.

Based on E.B. White’s charming children’s book, “Charlotte’s Web” focuses on the unusual and touching friendship between Wilbur, a humble pig, and a kind, wise spider named Charlotte (voiced by Julia Roberts).

When Wilbur discover that he’s bound for the chopping block, Charlotte sets out to prove just how extraordinary he is. Thanks to Charlotte’s efforts, Wilbur survives and becomes a star attraction at the State Fair.

Vocal talents include Steve Buscemi, John Cleese, Oprah Winfrey, Kathy Bates, Robert Redford and Reba McEntire.

“Charlotte’s Web” will be screened at 8:15 p.m. at Sunken Gardens Park, 6500 Palma Ave. in Paso Robles. Bring blankets and low-backed chairs.

More info is available by calling 461-5000 or visiting www.atascadero.org.

Bad news for Harry Potter fans: “Half-Blood Prince” is being pushed back

Say it ain’t so, Warner Bros.

When the studio announced earlier this week that it was pushing the release date for “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” from Nov. 21 to July 17, 2009, I was one of millions of fans who breathed a collective sigh of disappointment.

Adding insult to injury was the fact that Entertainment Weekly just published a huge cover spread on the film, based on the sixth book in J. K. Rowling’s series.

Bloggers have made much hay about Warner Brothers failing to warn its sister company off a major publicity faux pas. In any other, context, that’d seem like a well-calculated snub.

The Los Angeles Times’ Elizabeth Sneed speculates the pushback has something to do with the Broadway debut of “Equus,” which stars Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter to you) as a disturbed stable boy. With sexy pictures of Radcliffe, who appears nude in the play, coming out around the same time as a barefaced photo spread in Vogue magazine, such exposure might be deemed “too salacious for the young teenage girl market,” she writes in The Dish Rag.

(Personally, pics of dishy Dan make me want to see “Half-Blood Prince” even more. And I know I’m not alone in that.)

Regardless of any Hollywood hijinks, the biggest insult remains to the fans.

We have to wait another eight months for a film handcrafted for the holidays. Now, instead of watching the adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermoine, we’ll have to satisfy ourselves with “Bolt” (gag) and “Twilight” (eh). And international “Harry Potter” fans may have to wait even longer.

Of course, the “Half-Blood Prince” video game is still set to come out in November.  Thanks for the plot spoilers, chumps!

Warner Brothers CEO Alan Horn assures us that there’s another silver lining: “There would have been a two-year gap between Half-Blood Prince and the much-anticipated first part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which opens in November 2010.”

At least we have three films to look forward to, instead of two. Sigh.

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Meanwhile, FOX News reports that Daniel Radcliffe suffers from a neurologically based disorder that makes things like tying shoelaces difficult.

Radcliffe, 19, talked about the condition — known as development dyspraxia — in an interview marking the Broadway debut of his play “Equus.”

The disorder can affect gaining and using new skills and impair the normal process of learning, according to Dyspraxia USA.

As Radcliffe’s spokeswoman told the Daily Mail, “Yes, Dan Radcliffe does have dyspraxia. This is something he has never hidden. Thankfully his condition is very mild and at worst manifests itself in an inability to tie his shoelaces and bad handwriting.“

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Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

Prepare to be “Spirited Away”

Hayao Miyazaki could easily be considered the godfather of modern Japanese animation.

Time and time again, he’s turned out magical, awe-inspiring movies, pairing peerless animation techniques with charming stories and fascinating characters. “Spirited Away.” one of his finest, follows a young girl through a land of gods, demons and witches unlike anything presented by Disney.

Like many fairy tales, “Spirited Away” begins with a simple mistake.

On the way to their new home, Chihiro and her parents take a wrong turn down a wooded path.

Leaving their car, they discover restaurants filled with delicious food and seemingly abandoned. Mom and Dad dig in. But their 10-year-old daughter senses something is wrong.

As night falls, she finds the area filled with faceless spirits and her parents transformed magically into pigs.

Chihiro, you see, has entered the spirit world. With the help of a mysterious boy named Haku, she must work at a bathhouse for Japan’s myriad gods in hopes of breaking the spell and preventing her parents from becoming someone’s dinner.

Like the fearless heroines in Miyazaki’s “Howl’s Moving Castle,” “Princess Mononoke” and “Kiki’s Delivery Service,” young Chichiro overcomes her situation to discover confidence, strength and kindness.

“Spirited Away” won an Oscar for best animated movie and it’s no surprise. The scope and quality are astounding, especially given the 2001 film’s combination of digital effects and traditional 2D animation. Add a touching, inspiring plot, and you’ve got an indisputable classic.

Whether you’re a hardcore anime fan or a relative newbie, “Spirited Away” is the perfect way to experience Japanese animation.

“Spirited Away” will be screened at 7 p.m. and 9:15 p.m. tonight at The Palm Theatre, 817 Palm St. in San Luis Obispo. Tickets are $7.50.

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Alex “Hitch” Hitchens is one smooth operator.

As “The Date Doctor,” Hitch (Will Smith) helps clients romance the women of their dreams, offering advice on everything from first kisses to drinks and dancing. As he tells his latest client, Albert (Kevin James), “Any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom.”

When Hitch meets gossip columnist Sara (Eva Mendes), however, this sophisticated guy turns into a total klutz. Could it be love?

“Hitch” plays tonight at 8 p.m. at the Dolphin Bay Resort and Spa, 2727 Shell Beach Road in Shell Beach.

Free lawn seating begins at 7:30 p.m.

Moviegoers also have the option of watching the movie while enjoying with a three-course dinner served on the patio, starting at 7 p.m.

That costs $49 per person, plus tax and gratuity. Reservations are required.

Call 773-8900 for more information.

What’s it all about?

They say you can never go home again.

They apparently never saw “Garden State.”

Andrew Largeman, or, “Large” as he’s known, has spent his entire adult in a drug-induced daze.

When he’s called home from Hollywood to attend his mother’s funeral, however, Large (Zach Braff) decides to ween himself off pills. New Jersey does the rest.

As he reconnects with friends (Peter Sarsgaard), spars with his distant dad (Ian Holm) and encounters an enchantingly odd girl (Natalie Portman), Large rediscovers the confusion, pain and rapture of being human.

Braff and Portman make endearing leads in this winsome film, which has just enough gentle quirkiness to keep “Garden State” from growing sugary.

If you’ve seen and liked Braff in NBC’s “Scrubs,” check out his more mature side in “Garden State.” If “Scrubs” annoys the hell out of you, this movie might have enough wry observations and indie tunes to win you over.

“Garden State” screens tonight at 7 and 9:15 p.m. at The Palm Theatre, 817 Palm St. in San Luis Obispo.

Tickets are $7.50.

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Mark your calendars for a free screening of “Surf’s Up” this Saturday in Atascadero.

An animated tale about surfing penguins, “Surf’s Up” came on the crest of a wave of penguin-related movies — “March of the Penguins,” “Madagascar,” “Happy Feet,” to name a few.

With great visuals and a winning storyline, however, it’s safe to say that “Surf’s Up” is the best of the bunch.

Shia LaBeouf lends his voice to Cody Maverick, a stoke-loving penguin who dreams of becoming a surf legend like his hero, Big Z.

Leaving the Arctic, he travels to Hawaii to compete in the Penguin World Surfing Championship alongside with goofball Chicken Joe (Jon Heder) and Tank, a pumped-up jock (Diedrich Bader) .

“Surf’s Up” is presented documentary-style, which makes for some behind-the-scenes fun when we watch the surfers flub interviews or Tank slobber over his trophies.

We also see plenty of cute baby penguins and fearsome sea life.

But the true draw of “Surf’s Up” is its spot-on voice casting. Jeff Bridges taps into his mellow “Big Lebowski” past to portray a laidback surf legend gone to seed.

“Surf’s Up” will be shown 8:15 p.m. Saturday at Sunken Gardens Park, 6500 Palma Ave. in Atascadero.

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There’s a Central Coast connection to “Surf’s Up.”

Dana Belben, who provides the voice of Cody’s mom, also worked as a script coordinator and backgrounds manager on the film. She graduated from San Luis Obispo High School in 1995.

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Photos courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

CGI: You’ve come a long way, baby

Twenty years ago, special effects were a relatively simple affair.

Build a few models and miniatures. Create elaborate matte paintings. Add stop-motion animation, makeup and prosthetics, and piece it all together with trick photography and creative camera angles.

Then came the Golden Age of CGI.

Early attempts like the stained glass knight in “Young Sherlock Holmes,” the morphing animal-woman in “Willow” and the denizens of the deep in “The Abyss” stretched the limits of computer-aided imagery. But it was “Terminator 2″ — James Cameron’s action-packed sequel — that really turned the FX industry on its head.

RottenTomatoes.com lists 20 of the most revolutionary CGI movies in the past two decades, starting with the mega-cool liquid metal T-1000 in “T2.”

Here’s the list. The films are ranked, not in order of importance, but chronologically.

1. “T2″ (1991)
2. “Jurassic Park” (1993)
3. “Toy Story” (1995)
4. “Titanic” (1997)
5. “The Matrix” (1999)
6. “Gladiator” (2000)
7. “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” (2001)
8. “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (2001)
9. “Finding Nemo” (2003)
10. “Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl” (2003)
11. “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” (2003)
12. “The Day After Tomorrow” (2004)
13. “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” (2004)
14. “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” (2005)
15. “Batman Begins” (2005)
16. “War of the Worlds” (2005)
17. “King Kong” (2005)
18. “Sunshine”(2007)
19. “Beowulf” (2007)
20. “Wall-E” (2008)

As you can tell, computer-generated images have been a huge part of summer blockbusters and holiday season sensations since the mid-1990s.

In some, computer animation actually takes center stage — such as Golem in “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy and the title giant ape in “King Kong.”

Without gross Grendel, there’d be no point to “Beowulf’s” 3D roller coaster ride. The same goes for General Grievous in “Revenge of the Sith,” or the alien craft in “War of the Worlds.”

But the CGI bats and bogeys in “Batman Begins”? They’re hardly more than background.

It’s also notable that many of these movies — although pretty — are not particularly good. The flop that was”The Day After Tomorrow” reveals the fallacy of relying on visual effects to carry a film, rather than pesky little things like plot or character development.

A few notable omissions do stand out from this list, such as “The Abyss,” James Cameron’s earliest foray into CGI.

What about “Cloverfield,” the monster movie that got bloggers in a tither earlier this year?

There’s also no mention of two of my favorite special effects extravaganzas of the summer, “The Incredible Hulk” and “Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.”

Could it be that CGI is finally blasé?

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Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

Now that’s a honey of a deal

Family-friendly entertainment just got sweeter.

The city of Atascadero invites you and your family to enjoy movies under the stars this month. The free series starts tonight with “Bee Movie.”

Featuring the voices of Jerry Stiller and Renee Zellweger and Matthew Broderick, “Bee Movie” follows a young bee who longs for excitement outside the conformity of the hive.

On a a trip outside the hive, Barry is saved by Vanessa, a florist in New York City. As their relationship blossoms, Barry finds a new mission: suing humankind for all of the honey they’ve stolen from bees over the years.

“Bee Movie” will be screened at 8:15 p.m. tonight at Sunken Gardens Park, 6500 Palma Ave. in Atascadero.

Bring blankets or low-backed chairs to sit on. Snacks and drinks are available from St. Luke’s Episcopal Church of Atascadero.

For more information, call 461-5000 or visit Atascadero.org.

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“Movies in the Park” continues on Saturday, Aug. 9, with “Fly Away Home.” The series also includes “Surf’s Up,” “Charlotte’s Web” and “Shrek the Third.”

All of the movies are rated G or PG.

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Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

Get ready for an atom bomb, Harry Potter fans.

Warner Brothers has just released a teaser trailer for “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

In this teaser, Harry and his mentor, Professor Dumbledore, delve into Lord Voldemort’s dark past. We get glimpses of the evil wizard and hints of the danger yet to come.

Director David Yates sets an appropriately somber tone for “Half-Blood Prince,” the sixth book in J.K. Rowling’s groundbreaking series.

Here’s Rotten Tomatoes’ take on the trailer.

Meanwhile, Empire Magazine breaks down the trailer into just ten telling shots.

It’s more excellent detective work from the folks who brought you that first amazing shot of The Joker in “The Dark Knight.”

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And the fun doesn’t stop there.

There’s also a host of “Half-Blood Prince” featurettes available for viewing.

Check out WorstPreviews.com for the “Quidditch: Back in Style,” “Set Magic: Creating Wood’s Orphanage” and “Back to Hogwarts” featurettes.

You can find more here at TrailerAddict.com, including a”Bird’s Eye View” video showing the various sets used in the film, a trailer for the upcoming “Half-Blood Prince” video game and an interview with Rupert Grint, who plays Ron.

Readers can get the scoop on “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” with this site dedicated to the book and its mysteries.

Watch, read and enjoy!

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Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

Pixar’s “WALL-E” is downright wonderful

Too bad you can’t give an Oscar to a computer-animated robot.

WALL-E, star of Pixar’s latest success story, would be a shoo-in for the vaunted acting prize.

For starters, he’s adorable — a battered, rusty box of bolts with personality to spare. He can convey more with a well-timed beep or squeal than your average Shakespearean soliloquy. And his binocular-style eyes speak volumes.

Pixar puts the little robot through his paces in “WALL-E,” a CGI marvel that offers laughs, thrills and some of the company’s best animation in years.

Our story opens in the not-to-distant future, on an Earth ravaged by pollution and overpopulation.

WALL-E is the last remaining survivor of a huge robot horde assigned to clean up the planet. While his fellow ‘bots have broken down or run out of juice, WALL-E keeps on truckin’ — scooping up piles of rubbish and squeezing them into neat cubes.

Naturally, there’s a side effect to WALL-E’s longevity.

Over the years, the plucky ‘bot has become sentient. And very lonely.

When a sleek robot named Eve arrives to search for sustainable life, WALL-E does what any sensible, self-respecting machine would never do. He falls in love.

“WALL-E” capably mixes science fiction and screwball comedy.

There are moments of tender romance. Comedic pratfalls. High-tension thrills.

The fact that the action is virtually wordless makes it all the more poignant.

Meanwhile, audiences are treated to some of the best special effects on the market today: swirling nebulae, dust storms and gleaming spaceships.

With great visuals, a winning protagonist and a plot that appeals to both kids and adults, “WALL-E” rivals “Finding Nemo” as one of Pixar’s best.

To borrow a phrase, “S’wonderful.”

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“WALL-E” is currently playing at Downtown Centre Cinema and Sunset Drive-In in San Luis Obispo, at Park Cinemas in Paso Robles, and at Regal Cinemas in Arroyo Grande.

Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.

Did you tune in last week for audio clips about “Get Smart” and “The Love Guru”?

Then you’ll be pleased to hear that there’s a whole new crop this week.

Once again, these streaming audio clips — about 30 seconds apiece — come courtesy of McClatchy Interactive. Keep ‘em comin’, guys!

First up, friends share memories of comedian George Carlin and muse about one of his favorite characters, the Hippy Dippy Weatherman.

Sigourney Weaver and others lend their voices to a scene from “WALL-E.”
And James McAvoy shares how he perfected that flawless American accent (ha!) in “Wanted.”

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If you’re interested, here’s a 25-minute interview with “Star Trek” star George Takei and his partner, Brad Altman. They talk about how they met, William Shatner and the new “Star Trek” movie.