She Likes to Watch

What happens on Halloween? Anything, apparently

Mere words cannot describe the wonder of this video clip.

It’s fantastic. Scrumptious. Delightfully cheesy.

Above, Tim Curry sings “Anything Can Happen on Halloween” in a very ’80s TV special called “The Worst Witch.”

As you might recall from hazy memories of 1986, “The Worst Witch” starred Fairuza Balk as a problem-prone girl at a prestigious “witch academy.” Diana Rigg played one of the pointy-hatted teachers, while Charlotte Rae (Mrs. Garrett from “Diff’rent Strokes” appeared as another.

But the true star was Big Daddy Wiz himself — Tim Curry.

Curry — seen here about a decade after he donned fishnets and heels to play Frank N. Furter — is simply fabulous as The Grand Wizard, a fellow with a flair for rainbow-colored capes and synth-heavy musical numbers. And he can fly!

His song is made even better by vintage special effects, apparently crafted by a dedicated 15-year-old with access to a computer and a blue screen.

Jill Murphy’s “Worst Witch” series of children’s books both the 1986 special and a television series, which ran for five seasons starting in 1998. In my opinion, however, neither show — however popular — could top Curry’s singular performance.

Now, has anyone seen my tambourine?

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Feeling nostalgic? You can watch “The Worst Witch” and other Halloween specials on YouTube.com for free.

• Charlie Brown and Linus experience the first pangs of childhood disillusionment in “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.”

• Dracula (Judd Hirsch!) and his fellow monsters try to regain their frightening image in “The Halloween That Almost Wasn’t.”

• Meanwhile, Garfield and Odie set out in search of “candy, candy, candy” in “Garfield’s Halloween Adventure.”

Happy Halloween!

Here’s a riddle for all of you Muppet fans out there: Who loves Hallowe’en almost as much as I do?

Why, the Count, of course!

Remember him? If you’re like me, you spent your preschool years parked on the tube, learning about numbers from “Sesame Street’s” sole aristocrat, the kindly, monocle-wearing purple vampire known as The Count.

Here the Count explains what “counts” to him (get it? get it?!) with a cheerful song detailing his some of his favorite things.

No raindrops on roses for our beloved bloodsucker. The Count prefers ghosts, hobgoblins and “doggie(s) howling at the yellow moon.”

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This marvelous video comes courtesy of the letter L, the number 9 and Paul, the author of Careful With That Blog, Eugene.

He’s assembled a series of nostalgic romps known as Muppet Meditations — YouTube videos of our favorite Jim Henson creations complete with funny, pithy comments. (A few of Paul’s comments fall in the “PG-13″ or “R” range, so although you might be tempted to read them aloud to your children, just show ‘em the video instead. )

Trebek this: I could be a contestant on “Jeopardy!”

I took my place at the end of the long line snaking through the Santa Maria Town Center with fairly low expectations.

I wanted to have fun. I wanted to show off my smarts. I wanted to win some free swag from one of television’s most popular game shows.

Turns out, the powers that be had other plans.

The “Jeopardy!” Brain Bus was in Santa Maria on Friday night, looking for new contestants to go on the quiz show. The current incarnation, hosted by Alex “The Silver Fox” Trebek, celebrates 25 years this fall.

About 1,000 would-be geniuses sat down to take a 10-question quiz.

Sound easy? Well, apparently the pre-test was harder than you’d think. Most of the crowd either skipped the test, failed to qualify, or missed a couple questions and got no further.

The rest of us, roughly 80 in all, showed up bright and early Saturday morning at the Santa Ynez Valley Marriott hotel in Buellton. There, we chatted with the Brain Bus gurus about the application process, got pointers about screen presence and buzzer pressing, and sat down for a grueling 50-question test.

I’m barred from sharing the actual contents of the test but I can tell you the subjects ranged from ancient Greek literature to modern European history, from Shakespeare to science. Each answer had to be jotted down in a mere eight seconds. (That’s three seconds more than the time allowed in the actual game.)

“What is ‘freakin’ hard,’ Alex?”

As the Brain Bus crew tallied points, Kelly Miyahara from the show’s Clue Crew fielded questions about “Jeopardy!” (Turns out Trebek used to take the same test every year to keep his wits sharp. Pretty impressive.) Then the Brain Bus gals returned to announce the nine finalists who were to head to the next round.

I had left some spaces blank and made a few obvious gaffes , so I was all set to pick up my ball and head home when the Brain Bus gals called my name.

Wow. A couple fellow contestants whooped. The rest scowled. And I felt the contents of my guts drop to my shoes.

My fellow finalists included Buellton’s public works director, a flooring salesman, a stand-up comic, and a teacher-turned-bartender who works at The Inn in Morro Bay. The other female finalist was the co-owner of the Bayou House Catering Company in Pismo Beach. (Valerie Vicroy and her husband also own the Anacapa Barbecue Catering Company.) All were older than me. Nearly all were previous quiz show contestants.

We filled out application forms, including a “fun facts” sheet for on-air interviews. Then, in groups of three, we participated in a mock version of the game complete with “clickers.” Interviews followed.

I tried to follow the advice of the lovely Brain Bus ladies: Be loud. Be personable. Smile. Answer in the form of a question. And always, always, always, CLICK CLICK CLICK.

It’d difficult to tell how well I did, but if “Jeopardy!” discovers that they need a Central Coast contestant anytime in the next 18 months, I could be answering the call.
Let’s review at the numbers: More than a thousand people showed up at the Santa Maria Town Center tryouts. About 80 made it to the next round, and nine made it to the so-called “finals.” That means that those finalists, myself included, were in the top percentile.

Again, wow. I love “Jeopardy!” I love trivia contests. But I never, ever thought it’d be me.

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Banner courtesy of Sony Pictures. Photo courtesy of Amy Kardel.

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Missed the Brain Bus?

You can take a”Jeopardy!” pre-test online in January, or attend the live auditions held year-round at Sony Pictures’ headquarters in Culver City. More details are available online.

“Heroes” is back, as well as “Ugly Betty,” “The Office” and “How I Met Your Mother”

Remember television?

I think I do. But it’s been so long since I’ve seen a fresh new show, I’ve all but forgotten about my TV.

First came the writers’ strike, which stopped production on my favorite shows and effectively crippled the spring season. Then the networks bored me with their traditional summer season of reruns and forgettable reality shows.

TV returns with a vengeance this week, which means it’s time for me to dust off the ol’ remote and get clicking.

It all starts tonight with “Heroes,” returning for a third season that will hopefully redeem the regrettable lapse that was Year Two.

As the title “Villains” would suggest, “Heroes” appears to be moving into darker territory as our main characters start gunning for each other, serial killer Sylar surfaces in the States and tormented researcher Mohinder heads down a frightening new path. Could another world-ending crisis be in the offing? It’s a case of good versus evil, sweet versus sexy.

Also tonight are “Dancing with the Stars” (ABC), “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS) and “How I Met Your Mother” (CBS). It’s a cornucopia of light-weight delights.

On Tuesday, we’ve got the premiere of CBS’s “The Mentalist.” Simon Baker stars as a fake psychic who uses his powers of observation to solve crimes in California. I’ll watch for sexy blond Mr. Baker’s sake but the premise bores the hell out of me — basically, it’s “Psych” without the sass and silliness.

Wednesday offers the unavoidable: NBC’s “Knight Rider” remake, in which a former Army Ranger (Justin Bruening) teams up with souped-up sports car KITT. Half the fun should be checking out the eye candy — human and automotive alike.

ABC’s “Ugly Betty” (fashion! romance! Betty!) and NBC’s “The Office” (uncomfortable emotions wrapped in a cozy blanket of cluelessness) both premiere on Thursday, ensuring that I will be glued to the couch for a few hours. But Friday is free — for now.

My plan: Make “MST3K” track, make millions

As a hardcore “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ fan, I’ve always wanted to create my own commentaries.

Don’t get me wrong — I loooove it when Mike, Joel and the ‘bots riff on terrible science fiction flicks and mind-melting B-movies.But I’ve always wondered to myself, “How hard could it be? Surely I could make fun of awful movies, too.”

Now I can.

RiffTrax.com is inviting all film buffs, brainiacs and smartasses to make their own funny film commentaries.

The Web site will host and distribute the tracks (called iRiffs), set up product pages for folks to sell their tracks, and even hand out cash prizes to the best smack-talkers. The only thing commentators need to do is write and record their riffs — using (reasonably) easy-to-use programs like Audacity.

Fortunately, there’s a how-to section for technically inept people like myself.

RiffTrax is the brain child of former MST host Michael J. Nelson, so it makes sense that he’d welcome other folks into the fold. The more, the merrier, right? All I know is that I’m going to be rich beyond my wildest fever dreams. Hopefully.

iRiffs can be uploaded as soon as October. I better get cracking.

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But wait! There’s more!

Fans of “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ can now download entire episodes for free at UtterNerd.org. That’s right — FREE.

Site host Matt Freitag has all ten seasons available, plus the ultra-rare episodes aired on cable’s KTMA in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area. This is a huge treasure trove — everything from “Pod People” to “Puma Man” (one of my personal favorites).

Download ‘em NOW before the powers that be intervene.

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Thanks to io9.c0m for the tip. Keep circulating the tapes!