She Likes to Watch

Out of all the Christmas movies that mob the airways each holiday season, “A Christmas Story” has to be the most painful.

There are threats of gun play, tongue mutilation and soap scrubbing. Public humiliation and childhood ripoffs. Adults – including Santa and the Old Man who treasures his “major award” (read: leg lamp) – are clueless. Kids, especially the hapless Ralphie, are helpless.

All this, and a PG rating.

Based on the book “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash” by radio personality Jean Shepherd, “A Christmas Carol” follows one kid’s struggles to get a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas despite multiple warnings that “You’ll shoot your eye out.”

It’s such a clever, spot-on send-up of the 1940s that it’s difficult to remember this movie was made in 1983.

Local audiences can enjoy this so-called “Tribute to the Original, Traditional, One-Hundred-Percent, Red-Blooded, Two-Fisted, All-American Christmas” tonight.

“A Christmas Carol” will be screened at 7:30 p.m. tonight at the Fremont Theatre, 1025 Monterey St. in San Luis Obispo. Arrive a half-hour early for trivia and prizes.
Tickets are $7.50.

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Next at the Fremont is the classic musical “West Side Story.” That movie will be screened on Tuesday, Jan. 15.

– Sarah L.

(Image courtesy of Amazon.com.)

I have to admit, I was a little reluctant when a friend of mine asked if I wanted to meet his college roommate, who was visiting from the East Coast.

“I don’t know,” I said, feeling especially antisocial on this day. “I think I’ve met all the people I need to meet in life.”

But my wife and I managed to drag ourselves out of the house and meet the guy, which turned out to be a good thing. Because, it turns out, he’s a bit of a blabber mouth, who revealed some secrets about my friend, whom I’ll call “Dan” since, well — that’s kind of his name.

Needless to say, Dan was a little red-faced during these revelations, especially when his ex-roomie told us about the time Dan got his tongue stuck in the freezer.

It’s true. The roommate had heard Dan yelling, but Dan’s speech sounded a little weird. When he ran into the kitchen, he realized why:
Dan didn’t have full use of his tongue.

Everyone’s seen that scene from the movie “A Christmas Story,” of course. You know, where the kid gets his tongue stuck on a frozen pole? I guess Dan — who, I should point out, was in college at the time — doubted the physics of the scene. So he conducted a little experiment.

Fortunately, his roomie was there to thaw him out — although his tongue was left a little bloody. And, of course, there’s the whole wounded pride thing.

I mention this not to out my friend Dan — although, frankly, why not — but to mention the cult and classic film series at the Fremont.

“A Christmas Story” — a staple of Holiday viewing — has already been announced for December. And now The Movie Experience, which operates the Fremont, has just announced a new slate of classic films that will be shown. The “Great Musicals and Spectacles” series will feature such dance-friendly films as “Singin’ in the Rain,” “The Sound of Music” and West Side Story.” Some of those will be weaved in between the already existing cult series, which includes “A Christmas Story.”

Here’s a list of all the classic and cult movies coming to the Fremont. And remember: Stunts performed on film are conducted by professional stunt men and women. Do not apply your tongue to frozen stuff.

* “The Exorcist,” Tuesday
* “Singin in the Rain,” Oct. 16
* “The Goonies,” Nov. 6
* “Fight Club,” Dec. 4
* “The Sound of Music,” Nov. 13
* “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World,” Dec. 11
* “A Christmas Story,” Dec. 18
* “West Side Story,” Jan. 15
* “Grease,” Feb. 12
* “Doctor Zhivago,” March 11
* “Ben Hur,” April 8
* “Lawrence of Arabia,” May 6

–Pat P.