She Likes to Watch

Out of all the Christmas movies that mob the airways each holiday season, “A Christmas Story” has to be the most painful.

There are threats of gun play, tongue mutilation and soap scrubbing. Public humiliation and childhood ripoffs. Adults – including Santa and the Old Man who treasures his “major award” (read: leg lamp) – are clueless. Kids, especially the hapless Ralphie, are helpless.

All this, and a PG rating.

Based on the book “In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash” by radio personality Jean Shepherd, “A Christmas Carol” follows one kid’s struggles to get a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas despite multiple warnings that “You’ll shoot your eye out.”

It’s such a clever, spot-on send-up of the 1940s that it’s difficult to remember this movie was made in 1983.

Local audiences can enjoy this so-called “Tribute to the Original, Traditional, One-Hundred-Percent, Red-Blooded, Two-Fisted, All-American Christmas” tonight.

“A Christmas Carol” will be screened at 7:30 p.m. tonight at the Fremont Theatre, 1025 Monterey St. in San Luis Obispo. Arrive a half-hour early for trivia and prizes.
Tickets are $7.50.

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Next at the Fremont is the classic musical “West Side Story.” That movie will be screened on Tuesday, Jan. 15.

– Sarah L.

(Image courtesy of Amazon.com.)

Every family has a favorite Christmas movie.

For some, it’s the claymation classic “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” or the heartwarming “Miracle on 34th Street.” Who wouldn’t get weepy after witnessing Ebenezer Scrooge’s change of heart or Charlie Brown’s pathetic twig of a tree?

At my house, holidays meant perky musicals – “White Christmas” – and animated classics, like “How the Grinch Stole Christmas!” (The original “Grinch,” of course. Jim Carrey deserves a stake of holly through the heart for ruining that Dr. Seuss favorite.)

There may have even been a few screenings of “Ernest Saves Christmas.”

For most folks, however, the Big One will always be “It’s A Wonderful Life.”
It’s a simple but surprisingly effective story, about a desperate man who gets the ultimate second chance.

Jimmy Stewart sealed his status as movie icon with his portrayal of George Bailey, a carefree young man turned distraught husband and father.
Director Frank Capra won a Golden Globe for the 1946 film. And millions of American viewers made it a Christmas classic.

Central Coast residents can catch a local take on “It’s A Wonderful Life” this Wednesday at the Pewter Plough Playhouse in Cambria.

The theater company presents a radio play based on the movie as part of its Readers’ Theatre program.

In lieu of tickets, audiences are asked to donate new, unwrapped toys or $5. The Cambria Fire Department will distribute the toys to needy children.

“It’s A Wonderful Life” starts at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at the Pewter Plough, 824 Main St. in Cambria’s West Village.
For more information, call 927-3877 or visit www.pewterploughplayhouse.org.

– Sarah L.

** Image courtesy of Movieweb.com.

I actually like “The Little Drummer Boy.” Alvin and The Chipmunks’ helium-voiced carols remind me of my childhood. And my first exposure to “Christmas Island” comes from The Andrews Sisters, not Jimmy Buffett.

Okay, so Pat and I don’t always agree. But we can agree that holidy music makes the season.

The following are a few of my favorite holiday albums:

“The Christmas Song,” Nat King Cole
Few singers convey the warmth and elegance of jazz and pop great Nat King Cole. His buttery voice shines on many of these traditional holiday songs, especially on the title track. As Pat explains below, it’s more commonly known for its first line, “Chesnuts roasting on an open fire.”

“The Bells of Dublin,” The Chieftains
When you bore of “Frosty the Snowman,” turn to the cheerful Celtic Christmas portrayed by Ireland’s beloved Chieftains.
Some of the traditional holiday songs from the Emerald Island sound familiar to American ears. Others don’t.
For instance, a few reference St. Stephen’s Day, Dec. 26. That’s Boxing Day in Britain.

“Christmas Caravan,” Squirrel Nut Zippers
One of the many bands inspired by the swing revival of the 1990s, Squirrel Nut Zippers also draw on early jazz, blues and western swing for their old-fashioned sound.
Listeners will chuckle at quirky songs like “Indian Giver,” whose narrator laments that Santa keeps stealing his presents. However, it’s the lovely, wistful “My Evergreen” that gets me every time.

“Oi to the World,” The Vandals
Punks and Christmas may not seem like the most natural pairing, but this goofy musical masterpiece speaks for itself. Enjoy high-energy, hilarious rockouts like “Oi to the World,” “A Gun For Christmas,” and the classic “My First Xmas, As A Woman.” Rated PG 13.

– Sarah L.

Moviegoers, the holidays are upon us.

Today’s box office bonanza marks the beginning of the oh-so-lucrative holiday movie season, full of explosive blockbusters, goofy comedies and heart-warming family films.

Here’s a sneak peak of the movies opening today in Central Coast theaters, based on previews and trailers:

“August Rush” (Pictured above)
August Rush loves music. In fact, he’s a bit of a musical genius, able to master any instrument the way some kids learn multiplication.
More than writing his own symphony, however, the boy longs to find his parents.
Freddie Highmore is darling as ever as the title character. Plus, Keri Russell and Jonathan Rhys Meyers fit well as musicians and lovers.
The plot itself? Saccharine. Forget “August Rush;” this movie is a sugar rush.

“Enchanted”
We’re torn about this fractured fairy tale.
On one hand, playing a Disney princess trapped in the real world could make adorable Amy Adams a star.
On the other, Disney seems to be laying on the family-friendly elements with a trowel: a perfect prince (James Marsden), chirping birdies and chipmunks, and a lonely real-life hunk (Dr. McDreamy himself, Patrick Dempsey).
With any luck, however, it’ll be “happily ever after” for holiday moviegoers.

“Hitman”
When archaeologists sift through the dung heap of history, here’s hoping they never find a copy of “Hitman.”
“Hitman,” starring “Deadwood’s” Timothy Olyphant as a bald assassin on a deadly mission, is the latest hit video game to be turned into an inane movie.
There are explosions, scantily clad women and carefully choreographed
gun battles. Too bad this movie is missing the most crucial element: a reasonably credible plot.

“The Mist”
A group of citizens take shelter in a supermarket when a mysterious, deadly mist that invades their small town. As tension mounts, terrifying things emerge from the storm.
Nobody does scary better than Stephen King.
Still, we’re a bit surprised to see this movie in the hands of Frank Darabont, director of “The Shawshank Redemption” and “The Green Mile.”
He usually handles King¹s softer side.

“This Christmas”
Other than Santa spoof “Fred Claus,” there doesn’t seem to be a lot of holiday spirit at the movies this year. “This Christmas,” about a family’s long-awaited reunion, is one exception.
Despite a predictable plot — feuding siblings, family secrets, etc. — “This Christmas” boasts a solid cast, including Regina King, Delroy Lindo and Sharon Leal (”Boston Public,” “Dreamgirls”).
Still, the biggest reason to see this movie might be yummy R&B up-and-comer Chris Brown.

Check out The Tribune tomorrow for a closer look at this winter’s releases.

– Sarah L.

I have to admit, I was a little reluctant when a friend of mine asked if I wanted to meet his college roommate, who was visiting from the East Coast.

“I don’t know,” I said, feeling especially antisocial on this day. “I think I’ve met all the people I need to meet in life.”

But my wife and I managed to drag ourselves out of the house and meet the guy, which turned out to be a good thing. Because, it turns out, he’s a bit of a blabber mouth, who revealed some secrets about my friend, whom I’ll call “Dan” since, well — that’s kind of his name.

Needless to say, Dan was a little red-faced during these revelations, especially when his ex-roomie told us about the time Dan got his tongue stuck in the freezer.

It’s true. The roommate had heard Dan yelling, but Dan’s speech sounded a little weird. When he ran into the kitchen, he realized why:
Dan didn’t have full use of his tongue.

Everyone’s seen that scene from the movie “A Christmas Story,” of course. You know, where the kid gets his tongue stuck on a frozen pole? I guess Dan — who, I should point out, was in college at the time — doubted the physics of the scene. So he conducted a little experiment.

Fortunately, his roomie was there to thaw him out — although his tongue was left a little bloody. And, of course, there’s the whole wounded pride thing.

I mention this not to out my friend Dan — although, frankly, why not — but to mention the cult and classic film series at the Fremont.

“A Christmas Story” — a staple of Holiday viewing — has already been announced for December. And now The Movie Experience, which operates the Fremont, has just announced a new slate of classic films that will be shown. The “Great Musicals and Spectacles” series will feature such dance-friendly films as “Singin’ in the Rain,” “The Sound of Music” and West Side Story.” Some of those will be weaved in between the already existing cult series, which includes “A Christmas Story.”

Here’s a list of all the classic and cult movies coming to the Fremont. And remember: Stunts performed on film are conducted by professional stunt men and women. Do not apply your tongue to frozen stuff.

* “The Exorcist,” Tuesday
* “Singin in the Rain,” Oct. 16
* “The Goonies,” Nov. 6
* “Fight Club,” Dec. 4
* “The Sound of Music,” Nov. 13
* “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World,” Dec. 11
* “A Christmas Story,” Dec. 18
* “West Side Story,” Jan. 15
* “Grease,” Feb. 12
* “Doctor Zhivago,” March 11
* “Ben Hur,” April 8
* “Lawrence of Arabia,” May 6

–Pat P.