She Likes to Watch

You know you’re at an “Indiana Jones” screening when every third male is sporting a fedora, a leather jacket and a whip.

Indy wannabes showed up in droves for this morning’s midnight showing of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” held at the Fremont movie theater in San Luis Obispo.

I saw one Short Round, three girls dressed as Elsa (all brunette, strangely) , even that girl from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” with “I Love You” on her eyelids. The crowd of moviegoers stretched past the county building.

Since reviews of “Crystal Skull” are sure pop up like mushrooms after a rain, I’ll keep my own take to brief.

It’s fun, yes, and reassuringly familiar. It’s not the best in the Indiana Jones series. But it is a nostalgic romp, with nods to the original trilogy as well as Marlon Brando’s “The Wild One,” “Tarzan” and swashbuckler Errol Flynn.

Here’s my (mostly) spoiler-free reaction to “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”

THE OLD MAN: Harrison Ford can still swing a bull whip. He also looks surprisingly natural back in the ol’ fedora, punching bad guys and hunting treasure. Still, there’s no denying that Ford — now 65 — is showing his age. He seems winded at times and has less chemistry with his co-stars than one would hope. Shaggy-dog humor and unexpected sweetness make up for it.

THE GIRL: Not to sound cheesy, but Indy’s reaction to his long-lost love interest may rank among cinema’s tenderest scenes. His face lights up. Hers glows. And for once, Marion Williams, nee Ravenwood, doesn’t slap him.

As Marion proves, she’s the most capable of Indy’s women, and the one who belongs in his arm.

(A side note: Karen Allen is still a cutie.)

THE KID: When I first heard that action-movie It Boy Shia LaBeouf was starring as Indiana Jone’s latest sidekick, I admittedly cringed. While the 21-year-old star made “Transformers” tolerable, he’s not the kind of guy you picture gallivanting around South America.

And his character’s name is Mutt. MUTT, for Pete’s sake.

LaBeouf spends the first half of the film in the woman’s role (freaking out at yucky bugs and desiccated corpses), then settles nicely into the role of wisecracking companion. The kid even does some detecting of his own.

(My co-worker Justin offers this fitting epitaph: “Shia LaBeouf: Not As Annoying As You’d Think.”)

THE VILLAINS: Let’s face it — Indiana Jones is at his best when he’s fighting Nazis. “Crystal Skull” gives him a rapier-swinging Russian scientist (Cate Blanchett), alien-obsessed Communists and a double-make-that-triple agent. “Crystal Skull” has no clear villain, and the movie suffers.

THE PERIL: Murderous Commies? Check. Poison dart-shooting natives? Check. Fire ants and waterfalls? Double-check. With plenty of gross-out moments and sudden scares,”Crystal Skull” has a higher body count than the previous films and plenty of abuse for its heroes. The filmmakers pull few punches.

THE TITLE: “Raiders of the Lost Ark” is the perfect title. It defines an action (raiding) names the goal (the Ark of the Covenant) and explains why it’s important (it was lost). “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” is WAY TOO LONG.

MISCELLANEOUS: John Hurt is terrific, Ray Winstone is misused. Cate Blanchett’s accent keeps changing from Russian to English. The “X-Files” angle is annoying. I could do without the cute-and-cuddly CGI animals.

The filmmakers drop a tantalizing hint about “Colonel Jones” and his involvement with the Office of Strategic Services during World War II. That’s the movie I want to see!

BOTTOM LINE: Fast, frequently fun and mostly satisfying.

***

“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” opens today at the Bay Theatre in Morro Bay, Park Cinemas in Paso Robles, Regal Cinemas in Arroyo Grande, and the Downtown Centre Cinemas, the Fremont and the Sunset Drive-In (paired with “Iron Man”!!) in San Luis Obispo.

* Photo courtesy of MovieWeb.com.