Sidetracked

People love to hate best-of lists, and I’m no exception. Give me a list and I’ll be quick to scoff at it. And I’ll have a blast doing it.

So when I recently saw that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame had named its Definitive 200 album list, I was frothing at the mouth, ready to rant, and smiling like a giddy kid.

Of course, the list’s credibility was quickly shot when I read that it was developed by the National Association of Recording Merchandisers (a.k.a., “National Association of Boneheads”), who selected some of history’s — roll your eyes here —”most influential and popular albums.”

You know what that means, right? 50 Cent’s gonna be on this list.

Now I’m not one of those people who hates all things popular. If you asked me what my favorite Ramones song was, I’d probably pick the one that’s on a commercial. But still, I figured the NARM would let me down, and sure enough, they did.

First of all, every top album list is bogus because the creators want their lists to have variety. “Rolling Stone” magazine doesn’t want to alienate any potential readers, and that includes 17-year-old Justin Timberlake fans. But let’s be honest. A real Best Album list could easily start like this:

1.) Abbey Road — the Beatles
2.) Revolver — the Beatles
3.) Rubber Soul — the Beatles
4.) Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band — The Beatles
5.) White Album — the Beatles

I think highly of the Beatles. But I know – that’s boring.

Like practically every other top album list ever published, the NARM list does name “Sgt. Pepper” as its No. 1. But soon after, something really scary happens:

No. 21: “Come On Over,” Shania Twain.

Feel free to gag; I did.

So not only is this fluffy, I’m-famous’cause-I’m-a-hot-singer and her crummy album listed ahead of “Revolver” and the “White Album,” but it’s also ahead of Stevie Wonder’s “Songs in the Key of Life,” and that just makes me feel like rolphing my Oreos.

I’m guessing they wanted a country song up high on the list. But couldn’t it have been by Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash? I respect them.

Another annoying thing about these lists: They always feel the need to have some recent acts because, I guess, it’s uncool not to. Hence, 50 Cent. But really: Does anyone over 15 really think 50 Cent warrants inclusion on the 200 best albums of ALL TIME?

If you’re gonna pick some new albums, go for quality, like Jack Johnson’s “On and On,” Coldplay’s “Parachutes” or Ben Harper’s “There Will Be a Light” with the Blind Boys of Alabama.

Of course, there’s only one true way to combat this list nonsense: Create your own list!

The first thing I should note about creating your own list is: It’s hard. While there are relatively few great albums, the best are so good it’s hard to rank them against one another. So I use the following criteria:

a.) Is it packed with good songs?
b.) Are the singles heavy hitters?
c.) Is the album influential?
d.) Is there variety?
e.) Value of social commentary
e.) Greatest hits or live albums don’t count; that’s cheating.
f.) I like them. These are my personal favorites, after all, not what I think should be listed as the best.

You might be horrified/stunned/repulsed to see that Bob Dylan isn’t on my Top 50. That’s simply because I don’t like him that much. I mean, yeah, I respect his contributions to music, and I like a lot of his songs. Just not that much. So this list is sans Bob.

That said, here’s my top 50. Let me know how much you hate it:

1.) “Abbey Road,” Beatles
2.) “Songs in the Key of Life,” Stevie Wonder
3.) “Let It Bleed,” Rolling Stones
4.) “Led Zeppelin IV,” Led Zeppelin
5.) “Revolver,” Beatles
6.) “What’s Going On,” Marvin Gaye
7.) “Rumors,” Fleetwood Mac
8.) “Hotel California,” Eagles
9.) “Rubber Soul,” Beatles
10.) “Born to Run,” Bruce Springsteen
11.) “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” Beatles
12.) “Thriller,” Michael Jackson
13.) “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” Elton John
14.) “Moondance,” Van Morrison
15.) “The Stranger,” Billy Joel
16.) “The Who’s Next,” the Who
11.) “Are You Experienced?” Jimi Hendrix
12.) “All Things Must Pass,” George Harrison
13.) “White Album,” Beatles
14.) “Born in the U.S.A.,” Bruce Springsteen
15.) “Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack” (Mostly Bee Gees)
16.) “Can’t Buy A Thrill,” Steely Dan
17.) “Talking Book,” Stevie Wonder
18.) “Can’t Slow Down,” Lionel Richie
19.) “Tapestry,” Carole King
20.) “The Rising,” Bruce Springsteen
21.) “Out of the Blue,” Electric Light Orchestra
22.) “Boston,” Boston
23.) “Genesis,” Genesis
24.) “Let It Be,” Beatles
25.) “Lovers Rock,” Sade
26.) “Tupelo Honey,” Van Morrison
27.) “Scarecrow,” John Mellencamp
28.) “Fleetwood Mac,” Fleetwood Mac
29.) “Synchronicity,” The Police
30.) “On and On,” Jack Johnson
31.) “She’s So Unusual,” Cyndi Lauper
32.) “Exile on Main Street,” Rolling Stones
33.) “Joshua Tree,” U2
34.) “Graceland,” Paul Simon
35.) “Let There Be a Light,” Ben Harper
36.) “Every Picture Tells a Story,” Rod Stewart
37.) “Face Value,” Phil Collins
38.) “Green River,” Creedence Clearwater Revival
39.) “Help,” Beatles
40.) “Parachutes,” Coldplay
41.) “The Wild, The Innocent, the E Street Shuffle,” Bruce Springsteen
42.) “Saint Dominic’s Preview,” Van Morrison
43.) “Innervisions,” Stevie Wonder
44.) “Pet Sounds,” Beach Boys
45.) “25,” Harry Connick Jr.
46.) “Innocent Man,” Billy Joel
47.) “Rio,” Duran Duran
48.) “In Between Dreams,” Jack Johnson
49.) “Desperado,” Eagles
50.) “Purple Rain,” Prince

–Pat P.

Posted on March 29th, 2007 by Pat
Filed under: Music