Sidetracked

So we saw “Knocked Up” over the weekend, and — as expected — it was a clever comedy with lots of laughs. But one of the best lines from the night came not from stars Seth Rogan, Paul Rudd or Leslie Mann.

It came from my friend Dan.

The packed theater was watching a preview for “The Game Plan,” the next movie starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The Disney pic is about a tough football star who suddenly discovers he has a 7-year-old daughter from a bygone relationship. As the preview was rolling — showing scenes of squirt gun fights, bubble baths and a bulldog with a pink tutu — I could I could sense Dan waiting for his moment.

This is, after all, what he lives for.

Just as the preview faded and the theater grew silent, Dan loudly whined his one word review:

“TERRIBLE!”

I swear to you the entire theater laughed. And, of course, Dan was quite proud of himself — just as he had been every other time he offered the exact same comment after a preview.

It reminded me a little of the character Ignatius J. Reilly from the book “Confederacy of Dunces,” who took pride in going to movies he hated just so he could lambaste the screen with comments like, “Who made this abortion of a movie!”

It also reminded me of this guy who was in the crowd when I saw “The Abyss,” a science fiction classic starring Ed Harris. In the movie, Harris’ character goes to the bottom of the ocean to defuse a nuclear bomb, sent to blow up undersea aliens.

He gets to the bomb okay, but he doesn’t have enough oxygen to return to his crew. Resigned to die, he communicates to the crew on a keypad that he hadn’t expected to return. Then, shivering from the cold sea, he sits down and types a final note to his spouse: “LOVE YOU WIFE.”

As he slowly begins to die, a huge underwater spacecraft — with lights brighter than 10 football stadiums — suddenly illuminates the dark depths of the ocean. Harris’ character is shocked and uncertain as the spacecraft slowly begins to lift him to the surface.

That’s when the guy in the theater, very coolly, shouts: “NO … BUD LIGHT!!!”

The crowd erupted in laughter. And when I turned to look at the guy, who was sitting alone munching on popcorn, he had a proud grin on his face.

And, hey — more power to the guy. It was a moment. But when you experience success like that, you can’t let it get to your head.

You can’t want more.

This guy, however, didn’t understand restraint. He let success — the glory of the crowd — get to his head. So he started adding more comments, “Mystery Science Theater”-style, every few minutes. Except each comment was less funny. And by the end, the crowd was beginning to turn on him.

He wasn’t deterred, though. In fact, I imagined him going to several other showings of “The Abyss” just so he could relive his moment in the sun. Maybe he’d even rehearse the “Bud Light” line at home, thinking, “I can do better.”

I’ll never know, of course. The next time I saw “The Abyss,” it was on TV in my home, and that dude wasn’t anywhere in sight. But I will say this: That “Bud Light” line was pretty funny.

And while I’m at it, I’ll also say this: Dan was right — that Rock movie does look terrible.

— Pat P.

Posted on June 6th, 2007 by Pat
Filed under: Movies