Sidetracked

I have a friend — I’m going to call him “Stan” since that rhymes with Dan — who has three goals in surfing:

1.) To surf a 15-foot wave.

2.) To surf at night.

3.) To surf naked.

Now, me? I’m not really cool with any of these.

First of all, I equate 15-foot waves with one thing: Drowning. And as far as night surfing goes, sharks feed close to shore at night. So forget it.

Now, let’s talk nude surfing. Apparently, Stan is not the only one into this. In fact, I recently read that Australians are really into surfing in the buff. But I just think it’s weird.

Here are just a few reasons why nude surfing should not be one of Stan’s goals in life:

1.) There aren’t a lot of places to surf naked.

The only nude beach around here is Pirates Cove, which has no surf anyway. What it does have? A lot of old guys who look like apes.

2.)  Surf wax.

I won’t get too specific here, but you have to have surf wax on your board. Surf wax is sticky.  And if you have any body hair at all . . .

3.) Men look silly naked.

Seriously. There are only a couple of occasions for men to be naked, and neither of them have anything to do with a surfboard.

4.) Injury potential.

You know how guys wear athletic supporters when they play certain sports? Yeah.

5.) Cold water.

I don’t have to explain this, right? If you really don’t know, refer to Seinfeld.

So I’m not sure if Stan is going to achieve this goal of his. But one thing’s certain: I don’t want to be around when it happens.

Posted on July 3rd, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: Surf stuff