Aug 05

Disputing the Worst Songs of All Time List

tony-orlando.jpgEvery now and then someone comes up with a Worst Songs of All Time list, which actually includes a lot of good songs just to make you mad.

I know why they do it — it’d be boring to have a list of nothing but bad songs because then, like, there’d be no arguments.

Still . . . these lists make me mad! 

AOL Music is the latest to put out a Worst Song list, and they’ve gone all out in trying to offend fans of good music. I’m going to reprint the list here, beginning with their worst. The titles in bold (with explanations from me) are the ones I think have no business on a Worst Of list:

> Who Let the Dogs Out Baha Men  
>  Ice, Ice Baby Vanilla Ice  
>  She Bangs Ricky Martin  
>  Barbie Girl Aqua  
>  Can’t Touch This MC Hammer  (I used to hate it, but, hey —  it grows on you.)
>  I Am Woman Helen Redey  
>  I’m Too Sexy Right Said Fred  
>  Ebony and Ivory Paul McCartney And Stevie Wonder  (Nothing by Paul and Stevie belongs on this list. Even their worst of worst songs are far better than most. I’m ashamed of you, AOL Music.)
>  Macarena Los Del Rio  
>  My Heart Will Go On Celine Dion  
>  Wannabe Spice Girls  
>  with arms wide open creed  
>  Convoy C.W. McCall  
>  Rico Suave Gerado  
>  hollaback girl gwen stefani  
>  Thong Song Sisqo  
>  Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus  
>  Getting’ Jiggy Wit’ It Will Smith  (Hey — silly doesn’t make it horrible.)
>  What’s Up Four Non Blondes  (This is a great song by a talented songwriter. Just because she looks weird in the video doesn’t make this a bad song.)
>  The Final Countdown Europe  
>  Superbowl Shuffle The Chicago Bears  (Okay, as a Bears fan, I’m biased. Plus, it’s one of the most memorable sports moments.)
>  One Week Barenaked Ladies  (Come on, people. This is simply infectious. I only wish I could sing along. But every time I start, I get all tongue twisted.)
>  We Built This City Starship  
>  Nookie Limp Bizkit  
>  Hangin’ Tough New Kids on the Block  
>  I’ll Be There For You [Theme from  Friends] Rembrants  (Oh, I see. Now that it’s uncool to like “Friends,” it’s uncool to like this song. Whatever. I’ll bet the AOL nerds just loved “Friends” and this song when it was popular.)
>  Afternoon Delight starland vocal band  
>  Wild Wild West Will Smith  
>  Livin La Vida Loca Ricky Martin  
>  Axel F Crazy Frog  
>  Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) The Offspring  
>  MMM, MMM, MMM, MMMM Crash Test Dummies  
>  Broken Wings Mr. Mister  (Not the best song, but clearly not among the worst)
>  Locomotion Kylie Minogue  
>  Informer Snow  
>  Jump, Jump Kris Kross  
>  Tubthumper Chumbawumba  (I could be persuaded on this one.)
>  Party All the Time Eddie Murphy  
>  I Love Rock n Roll Britney Spears  
>  I’d Do Anything For Love Meat Loaf  (Overplayed, yes. A terrible song, no. Meat’s got talent, man. Besides, it always had us asking, “But you won’t do what?”)
>  Physical Olivia Newton John  (This is one of the defining songs of the early 80s.)
>  Sometimes When We Touch Dan Hill  
>  Blue (Da Ba Dee) Eiffel 65  
>  We Didn’t Start the Fire Billy Joel  (Oh, please. Billy Joel makes the list but Justin Timberlake doesn’t?)
>  Everybody Backstreet Boys  
>  Laffy Taffy D4L  
>  Mambo #5 Lou Bega  
>  we like to party vengaboys  
>  I Touch Myself The Divinyls  
>  C’Mon Ride The Train Quad City DJs  
>  (You’re) Having My Baby Paul Anka  
>  The Bad Touch The Bloodhound Gang  
>  I Would Walk 500 Miles The Proclaimers  
>  The Ketchup Song Las Ketchup  
>  You Light Up My Life Debbie Boone  
>  summer girls LFO  
>  Disco Duck Rick Dees  
>  it wasn’t me shaggy  
>  Love Will Keep Us Together Captain And Tennille  (This is one of the first songs I ever loved. And, you know what? I still love it!)
>  boom boom boom let’s go back to my  room Paul Lekakis  
>  American Life Madonna  
>  From A Distance Bette Midler  
>  Make Em Say Uhh! Master P  
>  Walk The Dinosaur Was (Not Was)  
>  Supermodel RuPaul  
>  Seasons In The Sun Terry Jacks  
>  Breakfast At Tiffany’s Deep Blue Something  (How can you dislike a song about a movie based on a book by Truman Capote?)
>  Whoomp, There It Is Tag Team  
>  How Bizarre OMC  
>  Rumors Lindsay Lohan  
>  Hold My Hand Hootie And The Blowfish  
>  Liquid Dreams O-Town  
>  lady in red Chris DeBurgh  
>  Puttin’ On The Ritz Taco  
>  (Can’t Live Without Your) Love And  Affection Nelson  
>  Tootsee Roll 69 Boyz  
>  Do They Know It’s Christmas Band Aid  (Oh, I see. It’s terrible to write a song about starving people. Nice going, AOL Music. Real humanitarians.)
>  Break My Stride Matthew Wilder  (I’m dancing in my seat just thinking about this one.)
>  electric boogie marcia griffiths  
>  Butterfly Crazytown  
>  Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak  Tree Tony Orlando And Dawn  (I can’t explain this one; I just like it.)
>  The Hamster Dance Song Roger Miller and Hampton, Dixie, Hado & Fuzzy  
>  my humps black eyed peas  
>  Feelings Morris Albert  
>  I’LL Be Missing You Puff Daddy  
>  get ready 4 this 2 unlimited  
>  Don’t Worry, Be Happy Bobby McFerrin  (Why is everyone always down on this song? It’s a great vocal performance. And — oh, shoot me — it’s actually about being happy.)
>  The Sign Ace Of Base  
>  Some Girls Dance JC Chasez  
>  Popazao Kevin Federline  
>  Girl You Know It’s True Milli Vanilli  
>  Cotton Eye Joe rednex  
>  The Fast Food Song fast food rockers  
>  You’re Beautiful James Blunt  
>  London Bridges Fergie  
>  The Girl Is Mine Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney  (A great song from one of the greatest albums ever recorded. Geeez, why not just include “Hey Jude” on here as well?)
>  Cherry Pie Warrant  
>  Heartbeat Don Johnson  
>  We Are The World USA For Africa  (Again, what’s AOL Music got against helping starving people?)
>  Here Comes the Hotstepper Ini Kamoze  
>  Escape (The Pina Colada Song) rupert holmes  
>  born to be wild (with miss  piggy) ozzy osbourne  
>  Jenny From the Block Jennifer Lopez  
>  Are You Jimmy Ray? Jimmy Ray  
>  Opposites Attract Paula Abdul  
>  This Is Why I’m Hot Mims  
>  America A O Aaron Carter  
>  That Don’t Impress Me Much Shania Twain  
>  Dirty Pop N Sync  
>  Looking For Freedom David Hasselhoff  
>  Stars Are Blind Paris Hilton

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