So forget about contests. In fact, forget about things like getting barrelled, doing spinners, hanging ten and all that. And also? I don’t travel to Indonesia, Costa Rica or Australia to find waves.
I can’t afford that.
But I do surf as often as I can. And while I’m not the greatest surfer in the lineup (unless I’m alone), I have some good excuses for that. A few:
1.) I have T-Rex arms. (see above photo) I think surfers with long arms have a natural advantage because they can paddle faster. My short arms are spoons compared to paddles.
2.) I’m from the Midwest. While many surfers grew up in the water, the water closest to me tended to be lakes. Good for bass fishing, I guess, but not for surfing. I get to blame my parents for this one.
3.) I started late. Remember that excuse about being from the Midwest? Well, I was 30 when I moved to the coast. So I got a pretty late start. Which leads to:
4.) I’m old. I mean, yeah — I can still get around and all that. But now that I’ve reached the Lordy Lordy number, my peak age for acquiring new athletic skills has passed.
5.) Mother Nature. Sometimes it seems like every time I paddle out, the wind kicks up by about 15 miles per hour or the waves flatten out. I’m pretty sure there’s a conspiracy involved.
6.) My penny-sized lungs. You know those guys who can hold their breath long enough to swim a couple of underwater laps in a pool? That’s not me. And if I can’t hold my breath long, that’s going to limit my willingness to go out on huge days.
See? There’s a reason why I don’t dominate.
So next time you see the guy with T-rex arms in the lineup, don’t mock me as I lie on my board. I’m probably catching my breath.
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