The popularity of yesterday’s blog entry on rat surfers has led me to a quick conclusion: People LOVE RATS!!!
Given the immense popularity of rats, I’ve decided to dedicate the rest of this week’s blog entries to — you guessed it — stagnation and reform of the Ottoman Empire.
No, no — RATS! You know, those cute, furry, beady-eyed, disease-carrying, trash-eating rodents. So tune in here for all the latest on rats.
Now that you’re all excited about rats, here’s a couple of cool photos taken by Tribune photographer Joe Johnston. Check this out:
Pretty crazy, eh? Joe was in Santa Barbara about a year ago when he came across this guy, Greg Pike, hanging out with his stackable pets. As you might imagine, Pike has gotten a fair amount of attention with his unusual menagerie. As this video shows, lots of people like to take photos of the trio.
When asked how he was able to stack his pets, Pike says, “Animals are simple. People are complicated.”
Of course, he’s probably never seen the Peking Acrobats.
And, in case you’re wondering, the animals aren’t drugged, he says. They just really dig each other.
When I first saw this photo, I told Joe he should sell it to a tabloid. Or “People.” Or, I don’t know — is there a magazine for rat lovers?
How about “Cat, Dog, Rat” magazine?
According to this story, it took Pike about a year to stack three animals like this. And, according to Pike, there’s definitely a strategy, which includes the timing of gestation periods. 
Although it says Pike runs an animal shelter, he has traveled across the country with his dog, Booger, rat, Mousey and cat, Kitty. (Okay, so he’s not exactly a creative person. But, come on — he stacked a rat on a cat on a dog!)
His experiment, Pike has said, proves that “We can all get along.”
Of course, he probably never watched “Tom & Jerry.”
Photos: Joe Johnston
Posted on October 21st, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: The World According to Pat | 2 Comments »
The rats around my house are getting a little overconfident.
The other day, we were sitting in the living room, and we saw one lackadaisically stroll past the patio door and peek inside with a look that said, “Yo, what’s up?”
Forget the cat. Or the big dog. This rodent was just chillin’, takin’ ‘er easy.
The pest control guy said the rats would act a little mellow once they ate their little, ah . . . “snacks.” But I wonder if it’s not something else. Since we live close to the beach, I’m wondering if these are surfing rats, feeling a little mellow after a good Stoke.
Because, apparently, rats are good surfers. According to this story, a 14-year-old in Hawaii has a couple of rat surfers, who have been known to drop into 4-foot waves. Since rats are generally, say, 6-8 inches long, that’s a pretty huge wave.
After reading that story, I had to refer to YouTube, where, of course, there are more surfing rodents out there. They might want to avoid going to the same beach as surfing cats. (This is in no way related to skydiving cats, but I wanted to include one anyway.)
And, of course, while I’m at it, I have to (re)mention SLO County’s own surf dog, Saint, who’s not only a good surfer but also a pretty good chaser of birds.
So, yeah. Now that I know rats are into waves, maybe I won’t be so freaked out next time I see one sitting on our trash can. Still, should you see a tiny car with a 1-foot surfboard on top, tell the driver the steer clear of our place.
It’s for local rats only.
Photo: Clark Little
Posted on October 20th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: Surf stuff | 6 Comments »
Well, that does it. From now on, no matter where I go, I’m carrying a copy of the “Saturday Night Fever” soundtrack. (As if I didn’t already!)
If you haven’t heard, a study from the University of Illinois medical school found that the Bee Gees song “Staying Alive” has the perfect rhythm to help revive a stopped heart.
The study also found that it has the perfect rhythm to help you get down and boogie — but that part was downplayed.
According to the study, the disco classic has 103 beats per minute. Meanwhile, someone trying to resucitate someone suffering from a heart attack will typically need to offer 100 chest compressions. So the lesson is: If someone drops to the ground in front of you, start thinking of “Staying Alive” as you try to revive them.
I wouldn’t recommend singing the song out loud, though — that might be considered bad taste.
According to this story, “Another One Bites the Dust” could also work. But, you know — “Staying Alive” just seemed like a better title, given the circumstances. Along those lines, you might also rule out ”It’s a Heartache,” “Achy Breaky Heart,” and “Heartache Tonight.”
Posted on October 17th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: Music | 1 Comment »
Musical Memoirs Continue With High School Tragedies and An 80’s Classic
Whenever I hear “I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner, I can’t help but think about the year people starting calling my school Suicide High.
In reality, we didn’t have that many suicides. But the first two occurred within a week, and one had even more disastrous results than anticipated.
The first was a girl named Amy, who seemed to have everything going for her: She was smart, cute, had friends, family, etc. At a school assembly later, her mother would explain that Amy simply had teen depression and got worked up over little things, like when her Duran Duran tape broke and when her dog ran away from home.
Of course, there might have been more to that story. But her death had a profound effect on this kid Randy, who rode my bus. Apparently, Randy had a secret crush on Amy, so when she committed suicide, he felt he couldn’t live any longer either. He decided to kill himself the same way Amy had.
As he extended a hose from the exhaust pipe of his parents’ car to the inside of the car, he didn’t consider the fact that carbon monoxide can travel through cracks. So as Randy’s life was ending, those poisonous fumes wafted from the car into the garage and into the house, where his parents were sleeping.
The next morning, a neighbor was horrified to find the entire Richardson family, their bodies fixed in an eternal slumber.
Needless to say, it was a depressing time. And when you’re dealing with a bit of teen depression yourself, that kind of news doesn’t make life any easier. So I remember specifically being home on cloudy cold days, snow packed on the ground, icicles hanging from the gutters, as that moody Foreigner song came on the radio.
In my life there’s been heartache and pain
I don’t know if I can face it again
“I Want To Know What Love Is.” That’s what Randy must have thought whenever he saw Amy. Except Randy – whether he knew it or not — never had a chance with a girl like Amy. And his hasty act ensured that he’d never know love from any other girl.
There were times when I felt that loneliness — that heartache and pain Lou Gramm sang about. And there was a definite fear that things wouldn’t get better.
But then one day, not long after the suicides, my neighbor, who also sat behind me in German class, very quietly – and unexpectedly — leaned forward at her desk and whispered in my ear.
“I love you,” she said, in a voice I’d never heard her use before. “Do you love me?”
Stunned, I wasn’t sure how to react. Sure, I liked her, but I didn’t know her well enough to love her. Even as a teen, I knew the power of that word. On the other hand, I also knew better than to ruin a moment.
“Ah . . . sure,” I said.
When I went home that day, I listened to Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature,” thinking, it’s so good to be alive.
Posted on October 16th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: Songs in the Key of Life: My Musical Memoirs | 2 Comments »
A few months ago, I watched the movie “Rated R: Republicans in Hollywood,” a film made by a Democrat featuring conservative celebrities complaining they had a hard time getting work in liberal Hollywood due to their political orientation.
While it was an interesting movie, I found the claim about finding work a little dubious, especially since a few of the conservatives featured, including Drew Carey and Patricia Heaton, have been working fairly regularly. Truth is, while Hollywood is often portrayed as this haven for liberals, there are a lot of Republicans in Tinseltown.
In tomorrow’s Ticket, we’ll offer a little quiz on celebrities and their political affiliations.
Josh Brolin from the movie “W.”
To get you in the mood, here are a few examples of celebs and their political leanings:
Republicans:
* Kirk Cameron. The trouble-making Mike from “Growing Pains” is now a Christian evangelist.
* Sylvester Stallone. No wonder he endorsed John McCain. Sly’s bad ass John Rambo character is an ex-POW from Arizona — just like McCain.
* Clint Eastwood. The former mayor of Carmel is an advocate of small government. But he’s also an environmentalist not afraid to go against conservatives on preserving the land.
* Bo Derek. The Santa Barbara County resident stumped for local supervisor candidate Jerry Lenthal earlier this year. The “10″ star has also been a big Bush supporter.
* Robert Duvall. The guy who played Boo Radley in “To Kill a Mockingbird” (but is better known for his roles in “The Godfather” and “Apocalypse Now”) supported Rudy Guliani’s presidential bid. He was also the narrator for videos shown at this year’s Republican National Convention.
* Jon Voigt. The star of “Midnight Cowboy” and “Deliverance” vigorously protested the Vietnam War during the Nixon presidency. But since then he has disavowed his actions, saying they were the result of “Marxist propoganda.” He’s frequently seen at Republican events, formerly stumping for Guliani and now McCain.
Democrats:
* Hulk Hogan. On an appearance with Jimmy Kimmel, the Hulkster said Obama was the “real deal.” Maybe he’s angling to be appointed a presidential body guard post.
* Willie Nelson. While country music celebrs are generally Republican, Willie is an old school lefty, who has used biodiesel in his buses for years.
* Robert DeNiro. The “Raging Bull” is a staunch Democrat, who recently stumped for Obama.
* James Cromwell. The guy who frequently portrays the president (He’s George H.W. Bush in the new movie “W”) has supported animals, Black Panthers and other liberal causes through the years.
* James Brolin. The guy who once played Ronald Reagan is one of the most well-known liberals in Hollywood (along with wife, Barbara Streisand). His son, Josh, who portrays George Bush in “W,” is also a Democrat.
Posted on October 15th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: The World According to Pat | 2 Comments »
Man, that Abe Lincoln — he sure could debate, couldn’t he?
Of course, he apparently wasn’t convincing enough to win a seat in the U.S.Senate — his foe, Stephen Douglas, defender slavery, defeated Lincoln after their famous debates. But since Honest Abe was so impressive in those debates, he went on to run for president a couple of years later with better results.
Despite the popularity of the Lincoln-Douglas debates, Lincoln didn’t debate at all during his presidential run. In fact, debates wouldn’t become a regular feature of presidential politics for more than a hundred years. And what a shame. Can you imagine how much more invigorating the Warren G. Harding-James M. Cox race would’ve been with a little smackdown?
So as John McCain and Barack Obama throw down their gloves for one final debate this Wednesday, let’s be grateful debates have been a regular part of campaigns since 1976. Because, after all, they make for great theater. Consider these memorable debate moments:
* 1960 — John Kennedy v. Richard Nixon. The first televised debate illustrated the power of the new media: Radio listeners thought it was a tie. But TV viewers clearly thought Kennedy won. (Note to candidates: Makeup is your friend.)
On the campaign trail, Nixon was tired, recently recovering from a knee infection. A five o’clock shadow didn’t help him look at ease and friendly. (Chicago mayor Richard Daley reportedly said Nixon looked “embalmed.”)
Kennedy, however, was tan and relaxed, suggesting an air of confidence. His debate “victory” was crucial in establishing momentum for Election Day.
* Ronald Reagan v. Walter Mondale. Like McCain (who is just a year younger than Reagan was during this campaign), Reagan faced questions about his age. But Reagan, a master of the one-liner, had a great response: “I will not make age an issue of this campaign,” he said. “I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience.”
Even Mondale had to laugh at that one. But on election day, only Reagan was smiling.
* Lloyd Bentsen v. Dan Quayle. V-P candidate Quayle, who arguably had nothing in common with John F. Kennedy, was asking for it when he tried to compare himself to the late president. And he got it in Bentsen’s memorable, unscripted response:
“Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy,” Bentsen said. “I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy.”
Ouch. That one still stings. But it didn’t hurt that bad — Quayle and his running mate, George H.W. Bush, easily defeated Bentsen and Michael Dukakis.
* George Bush v. Michael Dukakis. When Dukakis stopped in San Luis Obispo for a Democratic event in 2002, I had a chance to ask him if he had any regrets from his failed presidential campaign.
“I regret that I lost,” he said.
Rim shot, please.
He probably also regretted the answer he gave to moderator Bernard Shaw, who asked: “Governor, if Kitty Dukakis were raped and murdered, would you favor an irrevocable death penalty for the killer?”
Dukakis replied: “No, I don’t, Bernard. And I think you know that I’ve opposed the death penalty during all of my life. I don’t see any evidence that it’s a deterrent, and I think there are better and more effective ways to deal with violent crime. We’ve done so in my own state.”
Many thought Dukakis’s answer lacked emotion and showed he was weak on crime.
* Bill Clinton v. George H.W. Bush. “Before becoming president, Bush famously uttered the line: “Read my lips — no new taxes,” only to eventually give in and raise taxes as president. Later, Clinton used that contradiction against Bush, saying, “I don’t want you to read my lips, and I sure don’t want you to read his.”
Posted on October 13th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: The World According to Pat | 2 Comments »
Metallica And Chic Are Nominated But No Phil Collins or Quincy Jones? 
Maybe the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame should take a year off.
I say this because I just looked at the newest round of nominees and, well . . . it’s not exactly the most impressive list. Check it out:
Jeff Beck
Chic
Wanda Jackson
Little Anthony and the Imperials
Metallica
Run-D.M.C.
the Stooges
War
Bobby Womack
I won’t deny that the list includes some good musicians and some worthy influences. Jeff Beck is universally considered a great guitarist. And Iggy Pop, from the Stooges, is clearly a punk icon.
But still. There’s no Ray Charles in this group. No Beatles, no Stones, no Billy Joel, no Aretha. I mean, yeah, you would expect the very best ones to have already been inducted. And there have always been some lame inductees. Sorry, but Percey Sledge and his one hit was not worthy. Neither was ZZ Top, The Flamingos or the Dells. But last year’s list, with Madonna, John Mellencamp and Leonard Cohen, was way better.
It’s not that there aren’t any good acts left. Here are some they should be considering instead of Chic:
* The Commodores. Led by Lionel Richie (who should also be considered for his solo career), the Commodores, along with Al Green, James Brown, Stevie Wonder and Marvin Gaye, were the leaders of soul and funk in the 70s. Just to name a few of their classics: “Brick House,” “Easy,” “Just To Be Close To You,” “Sail On.”
* Phil Collins. Combined with Genesis (again, which could be inducted by itself), Collins provided a steady stream of hits that lasted more than a decade. Collins was a multi-instrumentalist who could write love ballads and slick rockers.
* Peter Gabriel. His departure from Genesis helped both Genesis and his own solo career. In addition to some big hits, he’s an influential promoter and humanitarian.
* Linda Ronstadt. Back in the day, she was the most succesful woman in rock and roll. Known for her strong, feisty vocals, she can also be credited for another Hall of Fame act, the Eagles, who started out as Ronstadt’s backing band.
* Taj Mahal. Mahal can do it all — soul, blues, Carribbean, Hawaiian, you name it. A great guitar player with a soulful voice.
* Dick Dale. If you’re going to include the Ventures as a representative of surf music, then you have to include Dick Dale, who pretty much invented the genre.
* Randy Newman. The king of the movie compositions, Newman also has a lengthy list of great album songs.
* Quincy Jones. Are you kidding me? He’s not already in? The guy who produced “Thriller” has worked with a slew of greats, including Ray Charles, Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington and Sarah Vaughan.
Also worthy: Tom Waits, Todd Rundgren, Jeff Lynne, Sade, Hall & Oates, Kool & the Gang, Joe Cocker, Annie Lennox, Steve Miller, YES, Huey Lewis
Posted on October 9th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: Music | 4 Comments »
I was in the water at Morro Bay this morning when suddenly, in the distance, I saw this huge set begin to form in the distance.
“Oh, (expletive),” I said, and began frantically paddling toward the horizon.
Each time I paddled over a wave, it seemed there was another one farther out — and bigger.
“Oh, (expletive),” I said again, paddling harder.
Finally, when I was sure it was all over — with my heart racing – I turned to watch the back of the wave before an explosion of white water marked its breakage. And then, as is often the case when I know I’m safe, I thought: “Eh — it wasn’t that big.”
And, truth is, it really wasn’t.
There’s a big difference between myself and people who ride big waves. Namely, I’m a coward, and they’re not. So while I admire people like Sarah Gerhardt, I never really aspire to do what she does. Because, really, when it comes down to it, fear sucks.
Still, I’m mesmerized by big waves and those who ride them.
In last Thursday’s Ticket cover, I wrote about Gerhardt, who will be in Shell Beach this weekend for a screening of “One Winter Story,” a documentary about her life. Gerhardt, who learned to surf when she lived in Pismo, was the first woman to surf Maverick’s, a trecherous big wave spot in Half Moon Bay.
But she’s not just a surfer. Back in 1992, the Tribune realized her academic potential, profiling her for a high school graduation story. As the story noted, other students at Arroyo Grande High School knew her as “the girl who takes care of her mother.”
From an early age, Gerhardt cared for her mom, who suffered from muscular dystrophy.
“My mom has been my life,” she told longtime Trib reporter Carol Roberts.
Still, Gerhardt managed to graduate with a 4.0. And eventually she would earn doctorate — but not before her mother passed away, of cancer.
While at Cal Poly, Gerhardt started tackling bigger waves, eventually paddling out on 40-foot days.
Since the thought of wiping out on such a huge wave terrifies me, I asked Gerhardt how long one would have to hold their breath in a Maverick’s wipeout.
“If a person got a double wave hold down, they would have to be able to hold their breath, under stress, for probably a minute,” she said.
Which, of course, would be bad news for me since I can barely hold my breath that long while sitting on my living room couch.
“It’s not that impossible,” she tried to assure me. “You just have to train for it.”
Her husband Mike, also a big wave surfer, can hold his breath for about three minutes, she said. When driving to a Maverick’s session, he’ll hold his breath several times to expand his lungs. While Gerhardt practices holding her breath and stays in shape by swimming, the best way to prepare for big wave wipeouts, she said, is to simply take a few on the chin.“The best thing is to get a good beat down and get forced to hold your breath.”When she heard that two women were interested in making a movie about her, Gerhardt was a little nervous but also flattered.“I think I’m always undervalued and underrated in what I’ve done.,” she said. “So to be honest I was like, you know, I don’t really think I’m that special but if you want to do something, that’s great – I’ll help you out. And you have to help me because I’m camera shy.”
Gerhardt isn’t as well known as other big wave surfing women, like Jenny Useldinger or Layne Beachley. But, she admits, part of that is because she has a life outside of surfing.
“I could have tried to dedicate my life to that and struggled to get sponsored and go around the world,” she said. “But I loved chemistry and knew I wanted to get my bachelor’s in it. And that’s where my focus has been. I have more than surfing going on.”
Anticipating a good turnout, the folks at La Perla Del Mar, where the movie will be shown, have added a second screening for Friday night. The three total screenings take place over two days, beginning tomorrow night. The venue is located at 205 Windward Ave. in Shell Beach.
Photo of Gerhardt at Maverick’s: Frank Quiarte
Photo of Gerhardt and her mother: Robert Dyer
Posted on October 8th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: Surf stuff | 3 Comments »
It probably has a lot to do with the weather. In fact, yeah — that has to be it.
The weather.
But ever since I moved to Caifornia from the Midwest, Christmas seems to sneak up on me. I’ll be walking around, doing what I do, and then all of the sudden I’ll be like, “Whoa — it’s Christmas?” And then I’ll be like, “Wasn’t it just Labor Day?” And then the person next to me at the ATM will be like, “Dude — are you talking to me or yourself?”
And then I’ll pretend I have one of those dorky ear phones.
But this year, I’ve determined, Christmas will not sneak up on me. I’ve decided that after Halloween, each week, something from Christmas is going to come down from the attic. It might be the stuffed Snoopy in the Santa outfit. It may be the annoying sax-playing Santa that goes off anytime you’re within 50 feet of it. Or the giant stuffed reindeer who looks more like a moose* than a reindeer. But mark my word — every week, something will come down.
And then the weekend before Thanksgiving, the tree goes up.
Yup. That’s right, my friends — I’ll be playing Christmas music before the parade. What can I say — I like Christmas. Besides, with all this financial doom and gloom we’re hearing, I need a distraction. I need something to get my mind off of deficits, CEO screw-ups, and government bread lines.
I need the Muppets, singing carols with John Denver. I need “A Goofy Christmas.”
I need bubble lights.
Because whenever times get tough, America turns to bubble lights. In fact, after tonight’s debate, I might just bring down a string of bubble lights, fix some hot chocolate, put on my favorite green sweater and stare at the lights until it all gets better.
* Insert Sarah Palin joke here.
Posted on October 7th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: The World According to Pat | 1 Comment »
Charlie Brown.
That’s who I feel like right now. More specifically, Charlie Brown when he goes to kick the football year after year, only to have Lucy cruelly — sadistically — pull the ball away, causing poor ole Chuck to fall on his arse.
That’s how I feel as a Cubs fan. Year after year, I get excited, thinking this is the year — just maybe – that I can actually kick the football. That this is the year the Cubs will go to (forget about winning it — I just want them in it) the World Series.
As if to prod my sickness, some years the Cubs will even hold the football out a little bit longer, so that my eyes get all wide and I think that, yes, for sure, no doubt, this is really, truly it. And then:
Aaugh!
The thing is, I wasn’t going to get suckered this year. One week into the season, I proclaimed: “I’m giving up on the Cubs.” Even that early, I told friends, I could tell the Cubs were going to let me down again. I think I even mentioned something about rooting for the Yankees. Or some other non-losers.
But, of course, I didn’t mean it. And by the All-Star break, I was roped in, thinking this year was special. Because this year — unlike all those others – the Cubs scored runs. This year the Cubs waged impressive comebacks. And this year they even threw a no-hitter.
What other proof do you need to show that the Cubs were going to make the World Series for the first time since 1945? To win it for the first time since 19-freakin-08?
I’ll bet I wasn’t the only Cubs fan who knew the dream was over in the 5th inning of Game One against the Dodgers. After James Loney, a guy who hit just 13 homeruns in the regular season, drilled ace Ryan Dempster for a grand slam, you just knew that they would lose the first game, which would cause them to lose the home field advantage and cause the fans to lose faith, and the players would then –
Well . . . you just knew. Just like you knew when Bartman reached out for that foul ball a few years ago.
You just knew. And so did every other fan at Wrigley. And so did every player in the Cubs dugout.
After that granny by Loney, it was as if I’d been hit in the head by a foul ball and came to my senses. Because just then a voice said to me: “These are the Cubs, you idiot! What were you thinking?”
If I had half a brain, I’d start rooting for the Red Sox or the Dodgers right now. Because those teams know how to win. Or, at the very least, they have won. Within the past century, which is more than the Cubs can say.
But you just watch. Come next spring, when the Cubs pack their gear for Arizona, I’ll be eyeing that football again. Because, you know, hope springs eternal — especially at spring training.
On second thought, don’t call me Chuck. Call me Chump.
Posted on October 6th, 2008 by Pat
Filed under: The World According to Pat | 4 Comments »
